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Rick — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:53:14 +0000

It was assumed that kids grew out of ADHD by adulthood because they weren’t physically hyperactive. Adults don’t run around. They run off at the mouth.

The Courage to ‘Come out of the ADHD closet’

Rick — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:45:43 +0000

One of the compliments Patrick McKenna and I have received is about our ‘courage’ in going public about our ADHD.

I have to tell you, the first few times someone said that, I positively glowed.

But the more open I have become about it, the less ‘courageous’ it has seemed.

Honesty has always made my life simpler. More authentic. And less lonely.

That’s right, less lonely.

And if you’re totally successful at hiding it, so no one knows you have ADHD, or whatever, then you’re left with a feeling that no one really knows who you are.

Secrets require walls. Walls keep people out.

All they see is the mask. So when they praise you or thank you or appreciate you or even love you, it’s not very satisfying because you know they are praising the mask, not the ‘real you.’

You feel like a fraud, and people who love you never get to know who you really are or what you are dealing with.

So they can’t support you.

You could argue it protects you from hurtful things. Hurtful things are overrated. If you keep it a secret, the people who are going to judge it and dismiss it never get to spew on you, it’s true. But then you never get the opportunity to hear their spew, nod, and then enlighten them with the facts about what this is, and what it isn’t. So they never have a chance to grow.

My experience is that it’s easier to be open, honest and state what the truth is. Hiding, covering up, protecting, pretending, acting as if nothing is wrong… It’s exhausting. For example, let me tell you about my friend, Christopher. Several people have used the term ‘coming out’ about their ADHD. Borrowed, of course from the gay community, who started ‘coming out of the closet’ about who they were. The result was… liberation. And Gay Pride.

My friend Christopher was like a blonde John Cleese. He spent the first 26 years of his life hiding the fact that he was gay. Can you imagine what it was like in Christopher’s head, every minute of every day? Brutal. No wonder he was always frowning, always so careful, always so guarded and cynical.

When he finally came out of the closet, pretty much everyone was, “Yeah? No kidding. I wondered. Wanna go get something to eat, I’m hungry.”

No biggee. In fact, it was a relief for all his straight friends who’d been trying for years to hook him up with a nice girl.

Of course, Christopher was hugely relieved! He smiled. Sometimes for hours at a time. He visibly relaxed every fibre in his body. He didn’t have to be ‘on’ and ‘pretend’, going through every day of his life ‘acting.’ For the first time Christopher actually seemed to relax.

Sure a few people were upset. His own father, call him Morris, said, “So you’ll never have a son?” And my friend said, “Well, it can be done, but it would involve a woman who is a surro…” and Morris, clearly upset, cut him off with, “If you have a son, and he turns out to be gay, I will never forgive you!” It turned out to be one of the last things Morris said to his son. Nice.

As Christopher later pointed out, it was slightly ironic for Morris to threaten him over having a son who turned out to be gay, since Morris himself had a son who turned out to be gay. Wonder if he forgave himself?

So yes, Morris was a dick about it. But Morris was a dick about a lot of things.

My experience is, people are who they are despite circumstances.

That said, there’s still a ton of misinformation and wrong-headed beliefs about what ADHD is and is not. So you don’t have to tell everyone, you have to be careful. It will get easier when more people get better information.

Me, I’m interested in liberation and, hell, call it ADHD Pride.

Hmm, maybe when enough people have ‘come out of the ADHD closet’ we’ll have an ‘ADHD Pride Parade’. And everyone will show up late, or on the wrong day, or at the wrong place. It’ll be great!

The Bedroom

Rick — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:24:06 +0000

No, it’s not what you’re thinking. But it’s still interesting and worthwhile.

Sleep Management

Rick — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:01:05 +0000

Sleeping. Sounds simple in theory. But in practice…

The Highlight of Saturday?

Rick — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:33:31 +0000

High point of the workshop on Saturday at the Science Centre?
For me, it came as our surprise guest, Patrick McKenna, and Michelle, an eager volunteer from the audience, performed the radio ‘soap opera’ about how Opposites Attract.
They played a married couple struggling with his undiagnosed and untreated ADHD.
All the laugh lines got laughs and I was quite enjoying it. (My part was to make sound effects and hum mood music as the story unfolded.)
Then from the mid-point on, they went into the back and forth. Righting. Anger, blame and frustration. The theatre became very still and quiet. At first I thought something was wrong… then I realized it was resonating.
You could hear a pin drop.
Dr. Jain had created the script, based on his work with hundreds of patients. Talk about striking a nerve!
After the workshop several guys came up, shook their heads ruefully and admitted, “Every line in that scene was something I’ve said to my wife or she has said to me.” Some wives were there, and confirmed it. Others wished their wives had been there.
Since then, in the Forums and in E-mails to our Info account Ava has been hearing how many people were fighting back tears. A few stopped fighting and simply let them flow.
The skit had a happy ending. Or at least a hopeful one. And Patrick and Michelle got huge applause. But Kudos to Dr. Jain as well.

By the way, for those who asked after the Workshop, and for those who were turned away at the door, “Yes, we will be doing the ‘Now What’ workshop again as soon as we can arrange it.”

And ideally we want to take it on the road. (Is Vaudeville still around?)

What We Know For Sure

Rick — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:26:23 +0000

Did you ever wonder if maybe it really is all made up? That Doctor’s have no idea what they’re talking about?

Explosion in Cases

Rick — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 18:58:01 +0000

Why has there been an explosion in the rates of Adult ADHD. Bearing in mind until the diagnosis was defined in 1989 there were zero.

Confusion & Comorbidities

Rick — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:06:21 +0000

ADHD can look like a lot of other things. And a lot of other things can look like ADHD. What makes it even more interesting is that it you can have ADHD and something else as well!

Way Too Much Fun… Way Too Early!

Rick — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 21:10:41 +0000

Did you know there is something called 5:20 AM?
I learned about it this morning, first hand. It’s a horrible, horrible, uncivilized thing, and God willing I will never had to confront it ever again.
The good news? The traffic is very light at that ungodly and cruel hour. Proof that the vast majority of people have common sense and are still in bed.
Frankly, I was a bit concerned that by time we got on the air on Breakfast Television that I would be nodding off, rather than talking about the Workshop.
Apparently those fears were groundless. Take a look.
The energy in the studio is so high, like ADHD central, I was flying. Weee!
This was the nicest group of people I’ve met in a very long time. I didn’t want to leave.
Once we got rolling I actually had to make sure I didn’t motor mouth. If you look carefully, you can spot me taking a breath and forcing myself to speak at a coherent speed.
I spoke to eight or nine people in the hour I was there.
And three of them told me about their ADHD.
Ah yes, when you find the right job, you can soar.
Work becomes so much fun that you’re actually willing to get up at 4:00 in the morning to be there.
Imagine!

A Voice In The Dark… Of The Audio Booth

Rick — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:29:19 +0000

There are two sounds that everyone hates—the bone-cracking scrape of fingernails on a chalkboard… and the sound of their own voice.
No one likes hearing their voice. Personally, I always think mine is way too high and reedy.
The problem is, my voice is on television a lot, and now for the first time in thirty years or so, it’s on a commercial. It’s a radio commercial for the Adult ADHD workshop we’re doing on Saturday, Feb 27th. (Shameless Plug!)
This week I went to 680 News to record a 30 second ‘spot’, as they say in the biz, and the radio execs and technicians there were great. The recording engineer turned out to be a fan of my work. Which is more than I am sometimes.
They were happy with the second take, but I did a third to be safe. Then I joined them in the control room where they were talking about which take to use. They wanted to play them back and have me listen to them all a few times and compare. Listening to my own voice? Yikes!
I suggested, “Why don’t you pick the best. You’re the experts. You’re a better judge than me. I trust you.” Better to sound magnanimous and a team player than someone who can’t listen to themselves!
When I was with The Frantics comedy troupe we did about 130 half-hour radio shows. I never got used to hearing my voice. It sounded about 13 years old. And not in a good way.
But I’ve been told that’s distinctive. Which is a polite term for it.
One year, at the Gemini Awards, where I was losing yet again to This Hour Has 22 Minutes, I got talking with Janet Wright, the very funny actress who plays Emma, Brent Butt’s grumpy mom on Corner Gas. I introduced myself and she said, “Oh darling, no need to tell me, I recognize that voice, from the radio. The Frantics…”
Anyway, now my voice is going to be played on 680 News about 40 times this week. Sounds like a lot till you realize there are 186 hours in a week. We’re holding the workshop in the Ontario Science Centre’s main theatre and there are a lot of seats to fill. (That’s why we bought the ads. The airtime cost more than I paid for my first two cars! Mind you, my first two cars were an aging Austin American with a rusted out floor, and then a Cortina GT. The GT stood for ‘Grotesque Turd’. The stick shift once popped off in my hand. I was driving along, with a car full of people, I shift from second gear, diagonally up to third gear, and the knob, shaft and rubber cover (Insert your own dirty joke here) simply broke loose as I pushed it. There’s a small ‘CLUNK’ and I almost fall sideways onto the passenger. I hold the stick shift aloft, like Excalibar. My buddies laugh. They point. They make jokes. Then they realize we may be in trouble. I calmly drop the forked end of the stick shift down the gaping hole in the transmission hump and wiggle it… It clicks into place, and I continue driving. For a week I change gears with it completely loose like this. Smart right? And of course I surprise passengers by suddenly pulling the stick shift up, waving it madly, and yelling, “OH MY GOD! I CAN’T STOP!” The sight of the stick shift in the air momentarily stuns my friends and they don’t realize I can still stop just by hitting the brakes and clutch, right? Funny. Well, funny to me. At the time.)
Where was I? Oh, right, the sound of my own voice.
No one likes the sound of their own voice.
My friend claims George Clooney’s voice is incredibly lowered for his movies to make him sound more manly. It’s called pitch shifting. My friend said, “If you listen to him on talk shows, his voice is way more nasal.” Maybe. But it’s still a rumble compared to mine.
Sorry, I’m drifting again. It’s late in the day.
So none of us like the sound of our own voice. Or at least, I have never met anyone who did. But what’s interesting that when people hear a recording of themselves speaking, it’s not necessarily the cadence or pitch of their voice that surprises them. It’s the emotional tone. The whininess. The deadness. The cynicism.
“My God, I sound like such a nag!”
Or the best… “I sound like my mother!”
Hearing your own voice is really revealing.
Especially if we are being recorded when we don’t know it, when we are perhaps under the gun, under some stress.
We ask, “Do I really sound like that?
What we’re really wondering is, “Am I actually like that?” Am I that cynical? Tired? Nagging? Bossy? Anxious?
It’s shocking.
Far more so than the stick shift of your car falling apart while your driving down the highway.

(Remind me and I’ll blog about the commercials I did 30 years ago–a Shake And Bake Ad Campaign. Hilarious and weird.)