Since this is the first of what I hope to be many postings as a contributor to the Totally ADD blog, I thought it would be a good idea to tell you a little bit about me and where I’m coming from. I won’t bore you with details like where I live (in Oakville, by the way) nor about my beautiful wife and family whom I love dearly (can you tell I spent a few years in politics?). Instead, I’ll explain why I agreed to do this.

Any parent who has been faced with the news that their child has been diagnosed with a disability understands the emotional impact it can have on the entire family. We never want anything bad to happen to our kids and we want them to grow up to lead healthy and happy lives. Finding out that there is a roadblock in the way of their potential success is hard to accept. “Why me?” is often one of the first questions that leaps to mind. Or, perhaps, more accurately, “why my child?”

Eventually, of course, we work through the steps toward acceptance. We find a way to make the best of a difficult situation. This web site, and other organizations, goes a long way in helping individuals, and their families, come to terms with their challenges. In one sense, this blog is a way for me and my family to do the same.

These days, society is much more open about many health and personal difficulties. Sharing them can educate and shed light on issues and encourage public support. There was a time when diseases like AIDS where marginalized. But high profile support, particularly from the entertainment industry, helped people understand what it was all about. That helped to encourage public funding for research, educated individuals on ways to avoid transmission, and went a long way to help individuals receive the support they needed.

Awareness about ADHD and ADD can help build the same kind of public understanding and support. But that awareness requires people and families to be open about their personal challenges. Families who have children with ADHD must be prepared to advocate on their behalf in the school system, with doctors, camp councilors, team coaches, and even friends. Adults who are open about their challenges can improve conditions in their workplace by working with employers to find solutions and help them be more productive. Advocating with policy makers can improve funding for research, development of new medical solutions and other supports. Taking ownership of ADHD and ADD is necessary to achieve these goals.

When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, we struggled for a while with fear and anxiety. But the more we learned and the more we talked with him about it, the more I came to realize that the diagnosis was really a saving grace because it provided answers to a lot of troubling questions. Knowing what we were facing, together as a family, made a huge difference. And, we discovered that the more open we were with others, the more supportive people became. I’m still amazed at how many people volunteer that they, too, struggle with ADD when I say “Sorry that Matt was disruptive today. Just so you know, he has ADHD…”.

While ADHD will be my son’s personal life-long challenge, it is also our family’s reality. As a father, mother or sister, we all want to be there to support him as much as we can. Working together, we can help to ease his burden. After all, isn’t that what families do?

I’m contributing to this blog because I hope that by sharing my challenges as a father who has a child with ADHD I can help others. Of course, I hope it will help me and my son, too. (I’m not really that altruistic!) But it is “why me”.

Me and Matt

Chris Churchill has been a communications professional and consultant for 20 years writing and editing articles and material on a variety of topics in every sector from health care to politics. His son was recently diagnosed with ADHD and since then he and his family have been educating themselves about how best to live happily with the challenges individuals and families face dealing with this condition. Contact Chris at: TorontoADHD@gmail.com

For better or worse “You’re so ADD!” has entered the popular vernacular.  Nowadays it’s used any time anyone is slightly overwhelmed or confused or forgetful or hyper.  Whereas the overwhelm and distractibility of ADHD/ADD is ongoing, frequent, and in more than one area of life.  (Hey we’re all a bit overwhelmed when we’re riding The Mighty Mindbuster at a Theme Park—It’s when you’re sitting in a small, quiet public park and you’re overwhelmed that it’s a problem.)

But people keep saying, “You are so ADD” because we are totally overwhelmed with information, input, noise, distractions and urgent messages…

If you strolled up Yonge Street in Toronto for a mile or two, you would pass a lot of people. You would encounter more strangers than a farmer from a couple of centuries ago might meet in a decade on his farm and in the small town he lives near.  
Every face you pass is being judged by your brain—Threat?  Danger?  Fight or Flight?  Sexy?  Scary?… All this going on constantly as you carry on a conversation with the people you’re walking with… or the person at the other end of your cell phone signal.

And if someone coming the other way is out of control, say on drugs, your brain instantly identifies the threat and you are pulled away from your phone conversation and present to the danger… “Fight?  Flight?  Walk around?  Avoid?  Don’t make eye contact?”

All this going on while music pours out of stores, signs flash, cars honk, construction cranes rattle and clang… The world is overwhelming.  Constantly.  And we add to it, turning on music or the TV, whenever there is a moment’s silence.

Interesting that this summer, when my son went away with his group of twenty friends for their annual weekend up north, something remarkable happened.  Usually everyone brings music.  And they set it up at the campsite, playing all day… and small arguments erupt over what song is next, and “I can’t stand that band,” or “We’ve had enough slash metal.” 
Nothing serious, just low-grade annoying, ticked off, frustration that fills the day.  And if you let it, ruins the day.
This year, no one thought to bring a Boom Box.  So while everyone had music they wanted to pump out into the hinterlands there was no way of getting it off the CD’s and I-Pods turn it into sound waves.

So it was quiet.

There were no arguments.

It was easy to hear each other.

People talked, and could hear conversations across the campfire and join in. Rather than try and lip read over Black Eyed Peas. (And hey, I love the Black Eyed Peas.)

No one walked away on their own because the song that was on made them irritable…

They even got to hear the sounds of nature.

It was, to quote my son, “Awesome.”

They’re now thinking of banning music on the weekends.

And actually being able to connect with each other and talk.  Which was the whole point of getting together.

Sometimes ADDers can focus better if there is a distraction like a TV or whatever in the BG.  But it has to be something we choose.  The same music or TV coming from next door is annoying.  Why?  Dunno.

But sometimes quiet is good.  It actually leads to calm.

And overwhelm is sometimes a choice.  The trick is to realize that despite what we’ve been told by advertisers, marketers and people eager to make a buck, simplicity is not the same as being deprived or shortchanged or hard-done-by.

Simplicity.

The nice thing about it is… it’s fairly simple.  And involves less work, less stress and less to worry about.

I finally worked up the courage and went in to see what constituted an ‘EXTREME’ pita. Assuming it was going to be something incredible and possibly dangerous, I wore my bike helmet and football pads and ear plugs in case of explosions. I won’t take you through the whole sordid seventeen minutes. Suffice to say I was disappointed. If giving ‘Free Pop’ to anyone who has coupon is extreme, then yes, this was an EXTREME PITA! Of course later, as I mentally digested what had happened, and physically digested the green peppers, I realized, I was the victim of ‘hype.’ A Pita is bread and stuff. How can it be extreme. It’s flat bread. It doesn’t even have the yeast to rise.
I’d been suckered into forgetting that we live in the age of hype. The age of extreme everything.

Once upon a time the word extreme had some cache. Extreme Sports. Extreme Martial Arts. Both are legitimately extreme. Most of these extreme sports are clearly impossible and are merely a way of generating free footage for those disaster clip shows like “What Were They Thinking?” and “Seconds From Disaster!” and “I Bet His Nards Hurt Like Hell.” (Coming soon to the Manly-Man network.)

But now, a lot of the extreme stuff, like Extreme Pita, seems a little… well, lacking in yeast. There’s an EXTREME TAN near us. Isn’t an EXTREME TAN a sunburn? Or skin cancer?

When visiting my in-laws we pass by “EXTREME PAINTBALL!” Do they use boric acid instead of paint? No. Apparently what makes this place extreme is the word EXTREME on the sign.

There’s also an “EXTREME CAR RENTAL” But they rent exotic cars. Fair enough. Definitely an extreme experience. Driving a Pagani Zonda instead of a Honda Accord would be extremely awesome.

But EXTREME SELF STORAGE? Unless it’s a place where you are cryogenically frozen, so that you are being stored, and it’s literally SELF STORAGE, this is clearly hype.

There’s another business called EXTREME SANDBLASTING. Unless they use diamond grit and their staff are made up of the various huge warriors from the movie 300, like that crab claw fat guy, then I think they should be required to change their name. It’s false advertising!

It’s not just the word extreme. Hype is everywhere of course. The one that irritates me the most is the new ad campaign for Miracle Whip. Basically it’s designed to convince you the only people who use Miracle Whip are people who were kicked out of the Sex Pistols for being too aggressive. The ad slogan? “We are Miracle Whip and we will not tone it down!” Tone what down? You’re a slightly tangy version of mayonnaise for heaven’s sake. You’re the most MOR, boring sauce around. There’s nothing to tone down, unless you’re going to redo the turquoise lids on your jars so they aren’t quite so vibrant.

Anyway, I’m noticing that everything is extreme.
Over the top!
The end of the world!
And with ADHD, that’s not helpful. As Dr. Brown has noted in his work, people with ADHD are often somewhat sensitive to input, to stimulation. Overly sensitive to some things. Especially sounds and smells. (Hey maybe Miracle Whip is extreme to us ADDers.) Our emotions are often at a high setting. Everything’s a crisis. Or we make it into one. Many ADDers can talk on and on about our problems and our issues and the injustices we’ve suffered. I used to be quite a drama king myself.

So ads and news reports and all media are coming at us faster and faster, louder and more extreme, with more and more shocking images. There’s a new ad for latest Windows operating system that features Zombies and sharks and creatures eating flesh. Nice. When I was a kid that was R rated material. Now it’s on prime time to convince families to buy software. This barrage of energy just adds to everyone’s agitation and stress. But when you have ADHD it can be an extra burden.

My advice? Turn off the TV. Take a few minutes a day to just unwind, breathe, relax, stretch…Especially an hour before bedtime. I’m starting to do that myself, on a regular basis, and I’m finding it’s hugely helpful. I don’t always remember, but when I do, I really take it on.

I call it EXTREME DE-STRESSING!!!!

Back in 2002, a wise person told me “ You need to work on what is going on with you and forget about everything else that is happening.” I had so much happening back then in my life. I had no idea today I could look back and actually say I finally did work on who I am, as well understand how the world around me is a lot different then the average person who has no concept of what ADHD is or what it does and how to learn and work with it.

I’m totally unique – there are no two of me, and thank God! I always knew I was different. I mean, I think and act unlike most people I know. Most of them tell me if something was to ever happen to me they would have no clue what to do. I have a few fans…:) Also when it came to relationships and having a partner I actually had no clue how that worked either. One of the biggest reasons I feel thankful for connecting my life with this personality quirk.

My Gift, because we all have one…well, it’s my memory. I actually remember being 4 years old. I remember lots about each grade I attended, and about different people I use to hang out with. I also love art very much so and have a great eye for quality. I also have a very old soul when it comes to animals, and this I have only been aware of for the last few years. Horses are my niche. I don’t have any right now but there will come a day.

I reside in Central Alberta. I work in the Automotive Industry as a Commercial Account Manager for a Ford store. I am a single father with a son with whom I share a pretty good relationship with. I feel the biggest thing in discovering that I have ADHD has been my life in general…no drama or very little, realizing my strength and also putting my weaknesses visually in front of me so I can keep an eye on them. Life has improved immensely since then. Getting the guidance and the support from the few I had to lean on was so needed when I started my journey in 2006. Howeve,r I did do one thing that helped me and that was to be a doer of what I was learning and learn as much as I can. And start applying it.

I feel empowered to accomplish all that I want. I always believed I was going to be something and make a difference but wondered how all that would happen. Now I’m seeing the results in all areas of my life.

I’m human and I make mistakes, but I know how to pass the mole hills I once looked at as mountains.