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Happiness is…. Love

February 12, 2012

By Umesh Jain

In my continuing rendition of Happiness, I thought it would be timely to talk about relationships as it is Valentine season once more. And there is no better happy term that sums up positive relationships more than the word “Love”. But love comes in many flavors and needs to be qualified. Let’s do it developmentally.

The first love is the one for one’s mother. Mother’s are essential to survival (we men don’t have any of those feeding accoutrements). But the bond between mother and child is undeniable. It is the essence of the emotional bond and one that is likely responsible for the innate feeling of trust. It eventually evolves into, what I refer to as practical or familial love, the genuine feeling that your family would rally to your side in a situation of crisis or is responsible for looking after you.

But there are other loves which are just as important but they are different. What about the love of a pet, the love of an inanimate object (e.g. your first car), a place, your home, your cottage, or your work? What about the love you have of your friends, your co-workers or your boss?! What about the love of pizza? Or your favorite team? All different, aren’t they? What about the love of your God? Your country? Some would believe, it is worth dying for.

I think we all probably agree that love and sex are different though intertwined (unless you happen to be Tina Turner). Next to the love of your first family (your parents, siblings and extended members), your new family is a new type of love. It is more personal because it is something you have made. The love to/from your spouse is deeper and more intimate than any before. But the love to/from children is, arguably, the strongest of all. I certainly remember the birth of all my kids vividly as some of the happiest moments of my life, without a doubt. Love comes in many forms, BUT, “learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” (Michael Masser & Linda Creed)

On this week of love, I’d like to hear from you about the love in your life and don’t be shy to actually write something about or to them.

One Response to “Happiness is…. Love”

  1. tdentay says:
    February 14, 2012

    Love as an ‘ADD-er’ is so much more special than with ‘conventional’ populations: We’re filled with -and surrounded with- so much love that it begs to be shared…in my case at any rate.

    Yes, I have had the usual travails of love. Married a few times too many. A couple of adoring kids who both have some of the symptoms of ADD, but we’re looking at these as advantages. A loving woman in my life. A good home, good food, wonderful friends of many decades’ standing.
    In fact I have so many ‘best’ friends that I scarcely know who to address what to (if you can get the drift of that thought!) but must describe them all as ‘best’ friends.

    One, who has been in my life for 46 years and with whom I’ve gabbed on the phone like teenage girlies since 1966, has experienced terrible tragedy due to his son’s suicide. I had to confess that I ‘loved’ him; that I was there for him, and that I would accompany him to the grave if need be.

    Do I love myself? Dunno. In this age of pathologizing every conceivable form of behaviour I feel this would truly be too Narcissistic. (Oops! Not too much disrespect intended to the shrink community.) Maybe I have BPD?

    Anyways, love fills my life. The more I have the more I want to share.

    Have a lovely day!

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