One aspect ADHD and ADD adults have trouble monitoring is their focus, their attention. It can wander aimlessly, or hyper-focus with such intensity the house burns down while they are busy killing evil Orcs while playing World of Warcraft. Another thing we often have trouble monitoring is our emotions. While not all ADDers share this trait.
As I get older, I find it hard to listen to certain kinds of songs. Love songs mostly. The ones about, “I Can’t Live Without You.” Sounds romantic. But really, that’s what stalkers say. I mean, think about how manipulative that is. Imagine parents saying to a kid, “If you move out, we won’t be able to live.” Guilt trip. I’m listening to Dean Martin… “You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You.” Wow. Really?
It’s actually the kind of sentiment that guys who are abusive to women use. “If you leave me I’ll just die. I’ll just perish. I won’t make it.” That’s attractive. Anyway, that’s just me. Maybe telling someone you’re worthless or doomed without them is a compliment. I’m sure it fills a need in some partners, “Oh, someone needs me! I matter.” But as I grow older, it strikes me as a pretty sad thing to admit. I mean, “I can’t live without booze. Without booze, I’m nothing.” Not attractive.
Imagine if it was a newborn baby, and you say, you may want to grow up and be an astronomer, but there’s this guy who wants you to be his business partner running a dude ranch. And without you, he’s nothing.
Okay, I’m wandering here.
What I want to say is that you cannot trust your feelings. Feelings are the result of what we believe is true. When we’re five and we believe Santa is coming tonight, we tremble with feelings of excitement.
And if we are told he won’t come if we don’t go to bed, we are filled with a feeling of alarm. And if we lie in bed, unable to fall asleep, we’re filled with feelings of shame, My sister will kill me if I don’t sleep and Santa doesn’t come!
Not only do our feelings come from our beliefs, the beliefs we have in our head come to us through our five senses. And those senses are easy to fool.
I mean, do you feel like your travelling at a thousand miles an hour? You are. That’s how fast the earth is spinning. And it’s circling around the sun at an even higher speed. And the sun is circling around the galaxy at an even higher speed. Doesn’t feel like it.
99% of all scientific discoveries went against everything people felt was the truth.
Our senses can’t tell what’s real. That why we can watch a movie knowing the characters are actually wealthy movie stars who live plush Hollywood lives, and yet we’re screaming, laughing, our hearts are racing, we’re covering our eyes cause they’re gonna get eaten by the alien… which is actually a guy in a suit with a lot of CGI added on afterwards.
It’s been shown that our brains and bodies react pretty much to real things as to fake things. That’s why some women buy romance novels rather than go out to singles clubs. And why some men who strike out at singles clubs go home and look at adult magazines. The pictures are made up of thousands of tiny dots. But the brain can’t tell the difference, can’t distinguish a warm living woman from a glossy printed page, and they feel aroused… BOING!
I’m wandering again. And I feel bad.
The point is, what we feel is often based on current information, “We have to invade! The Iraqis’ have weapons of mass destruction.” Oh, they don’t? We ALL DO THIS, it’s how our brains are wired, it’s based on worse case scenario. I’ll talk more about this. In the meantime, don’t get too excited by your excitement or too depressed about your sadness. New input, new feelings. Or as others have said, “When you know better, you do better.”
You must be logged in to comment