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Have Your Feelings. Don’t Let Them Have You – Video

One aspect ADHD and ADD adults have trouble monitoring is their focus, their attention. It can wander aimlessly, or hyper-focus with such intensity the house burns down while they are busy killing evil Orcs while playing World of Warcraft. Another thing we often have trouble monitoring is our emotions. While not all ADDers share this trait.

As I get older, I find it hard to listen to certain kinds of songs.  Love songs mostly.  The ones about, “I Can’t Live Without You.” Sounds romantic.  But really, that’s what stalkers say.  I mean, think about how manipulative that is.  Imagine parents saying to a kid, “If you move out, we won’t be able to live.”  Guilt trip.  I’m listening to Dean Martin… “You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You.”  Wow.  Really?
It’s actually the kind of sentiment that guys who are abusive to women use.  “If you leave me I’ll just die.  I’ll just perish.  I won’t make it.”  That’s attractive.  Anyway, that’s just me.  Maybe telling someone you’re worthless or doomed without them is a compliment.  I’m sure it fills a need in some partners, “Oh, someone needs me!  I matter.”  But as I grow older, it strikes me as a pretty sad thing to admit.  I mean, “I can’t live without booze.  Without booze, I’m nothing.”  Not attractive.
Imagine if it was a newborn baby, and you say, you may want to grow up and be an astronomer, but there’s this guy who wants you to be his business partner running a dude ranch.  And without you, he’s nothing.
Okay, I’m wandering here.
What I want to say is that you cannot trust your feelings.  Feelings are the result of what we believe is true.  When we’re five and we believe Santa is coming tonight, we tremble with feelings of excitement.
And if we are told he won’t come if we don’t go to bed, we are filled with a feeling of alarm.  And if we lie in bed, unable to fall asleep, we’re filled with feelings of shame, My sister will kill me if I don’t sleep and Santa doesn’t come!
Not only do our feelings come from our beliefs, the beliefs we have in our head come to us through our five senses.  And those senses are easy to fool.

I mean, do you feel like your travelling at a thousand miles an hour?  You are.  That’s how fast the earth is spinning.  And it’s circling around the sun at an even higher speed.  And the sun is circling around the galaxy at an even higher speed.   Doesn’t feel like it.
99% of all scientific discoveries went against everything people felt was the truth.

Our senses can’t tell what’s real.   That why we can watch a movie knowing the characters are actually wealthy movie stars who live plush Hollywood lives, and yet we’re screaming, laughing, our hearts are racing, we’re covering our eyes cause they’re gonna get eaten by the alien… which is actually a guy in a suit with a lot of CGI added on afterwards.

It’s been shown that our brains and bodies react pretty much to real things as to fake things.  That’s why some women buy romance novels rather than go out to singles clubs.  And why some men who strike out at singles clubs go home and look at adult magazines.  The pictures are made up of thousands of tiny dots.  But the brain can’t tell the difference, can’t distinguish a warm living woman from a glossy printed page, and they feel aroused… BOING!
I’m wandering again.  And I feel bad.

The point is, what we feel is often based on current information, “We have to invade!  The Iraqis’ have weapons of mass destruction.”  Oh, they don’t?   We ALL DO THIS, it’s how our brains are wired, it’s based on worse case scenario.  I’ll talk more about this.  In the meantime, don’t get too excited by your excitement or too depressed about your sadness.  New input, new feelings.  Or as others have said, “When you know better, you do better.”

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8 Responses to “Have Your Feelings. Don’t Let Them Have You – Video”

  1. ladygogo says:

    I hadn’t thought of it like this… My emotions take over sometimes and mostly its bad when they do.

  2. smith says:

    Very encouraging. Thanks!

  3. spngbob says:

    Good lord are you my long lost twin???
    the one that really makes me wanna hurl is aint no sunshine when she goes. really listen to that one!
    bob dylan. adhd’s artist of choice.

  4. Larynxa says:

    Ever since I was a toddler, I’ve thought love songs were ridiculously soppy and boring. I’ve always preferred songs about other stuff…and novelty songs in particular, the more ridiculous the better.

    You haven’t lived ’til you’ve experienced “Those Two Dreadful Children” (by Cruella DeVille) and “I’ve Lost My Little Willie” (by Lonnie Donegan). And, of course, “The Ying Tong Song” (by the Goons)!

  5. ph0t0bug says:

    Feelings are what screw with me the most. I have spent my life trying to be accepted by putting way to much on my place… being hypersynsative to anything anyone was saying or not saying…. its gotten to the point that it bothers me that people dont need my help all the time. Music was my only escape accept I was picking the wrong things to listen to. When I was feeling sad I picked sad music to listen to which was the WRONG thing to do. Lately we have had major problems down here in New Orleans with Issac and all and now my ADD has gone into OVERDRIVE…..I dont know what to start first to fix all the problems I am having here at my house… I just got my first script… hope its going to help me out.

  6. mcfarlane says:

    Rick. As you were going through all those lyrics I thought of a belief people bring up that goes something like this, “You can’t expect any one to love you, if you do not yourself first.” When I hear this I cringe. I think of teenage boys who struggle through high school because they have dyslexia and or ADD. These students work hard, may get low or average marks, worry about the future and wonder what their female classmates think of them.They may have low selfesteem and then someone states,” You can’t expect anyone to love you if youdo not love yourself first.” How does that help anyone who is struggling in school and trying to find where they fit in,
    For any teenage boy or girl who has dyslexia or ADD reading and writing are important qualities but that cute guy or gal might be able to see other qualities like being nice, caring and hard working as attractive.
    Wayne (My wife knows I’m not perfect but she loves a lot of qualities i have.) McFarlane

  7. AdderNIKnowIt says:

    This is very interesting, it touches on a very interesting book that changed my life and my perception. It’s called Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill. I highly recommend reading it.

  8. ScottTenorman says:

    I really appreciate all the things you said in this video, there were some really good insights, but as someone with ADHD, all those camera cuts and pictures zooming across the screen really made it hard for me to focus on the good stuff you were saying. We don’t need to be entertained, words can be interesting too!