Yes I’m a Yes Man

By Rick Green

Deep thoughts this week. Looking at where I get stuck. Cause I still do. And overwhelm? It’s always a short misstep away. Even now, I’m behind in a ton of stuff. But then, who isn’t. At what point does it change from “the busy demands of modern life” into “ADHD Overwhelm?” And what is my tipping point into overwhelm? When does it become “over-commitment.?” When does ‘”lots’ become ‘too much”, leaving me spinning my wheels in frustration, exhausted, feeling like I’ve just run a marathon, brain like molasses?

And when I take on too much, when I say yes to way more than I can handle, with a plate that’s already overflowing, am I taking on more out of fear or love? What do I mean by that? I’ve noticed there are two ways I can approach something. From excitement (call it love) or a slightly desperate urgency, (call it fear).

For example, a few weeks back, Jimi, our editor and ‘everything else’ person, suggested we make a parody of the various videos, “Sh*t girls say” and “Sh*t nobody says.” He listed a half dozen lines for “Sh*t No ADDer Ever Says.” I’m laughing. Ideas start popping of things we’d never say, “Wow, I’m done early. I’ll start on next month’s paperwork now.” I giggle. Instantly I’ve dropped everything and e-mail Jimi, “Yeah!” Twenty minutes later I send him a list of 30 possible lines. Then I think of two more and send those, only by the time I’m ready to send those two it’s grown to four. In the next ten minutes I think of a dozen more. Jimi comes up with some, and those make me laugh and spark more.

Jimi and his friend Kym, who are part of a comedy group called the Jimi Boys pop out and tape it. (Thankfully it’s an incredibly balmy winter!) The result is this video on the Totally ADD YouTube Channel, Sh*t no Adult With ADHD Says and I love it.

So pretty much everything I do has some kind of ‘love’ around it. I want to do it. It’s fun, or exciting, or important, or challenging. In fact, it’s usually a combination of all those things. But often, I jump onto a project simply because it’s there. Someone calls and ideas start popping. They always do. Even for ideas I don’t particularly like or want to work on if I took the time to think about it. But I don’t. I’ve got ADHD. I’m impulsive. So I say yes to almost everything, just because I have ideas. Never asking, will I look back on this someday and say, “That was the best thing I ever did.” Or even the eleventh best? Do you do this? Impulsively taking on projects? Or new hobbies? Or interesting sounding courses?

The result? I’ll end up spending hours, days, even weeks on something I don’t really feel strongly about. And it becomes another to-do on my list, another obligation, another task I look at, can’t get excited about, but feel like I had to work on because people are counting on me… and sure enough, eventually it falls by the wayside… All because I didn’t do what I keep trying to train myself to do. Pause, listen to the idea or the question or the proposal, or request, and say, “That’s interesting. I’ll check my schedule and get back to you tomorrow. I don’t want to commit to it unless I can do it justice.”
Later, when I have time to look at my schedule, I’m actually asking whether I love this idea, or simply think I shouldn’t ever be turning down work? What’s running the show? Love of fear? The easiest way to decide is to look at what else I’m doing that I love. And then decide, would I be willing to drop that and do this instead? Love or fear? In crude terms, cause it gets me going, or because it’ll fill my empty bank account?

And yet… the phone rings, or an e-mail arrives… and I’m off on the next tangent.

Why?

Because it’s coming from fear. Not love.
And fear is simply too hard to sustain.