Re: kids or not

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is a most personal choice. In my case, once I reached 29y and was in a stable relationship I wanted children. For years I thought not, since I had such an emotionally painful childhood. I did have loving parents, who I am convinced both had ADD. The both were alcoholics, my Mom stopped drinking when I was about 17 or so. I guess after many years of counseling, that I shared on another forum, I decided that if I were able to have children, I would “break the chain”. I vowed to never hit my children, sometimes there were beatings in my childhood, that I would always be interested in their day, and make a point of finding out. I have 3 sons. I gave each son what we called “special time” it was only for 20 minutes or so but they always felt so special.( and it gave me clearer insight into their own unique personalities) Time outs worked for me. Started early enough you don’t have to worry about when they are bigger and stronger than you. It also fosters respect. ( often more difficult to keep the respect part thru teen years and after having been thru an acrimonious divorce with an abusive husband)

Anyway, 2 of my sons have add, the first also has dylexia which I realized I do as well. While I had tutoring help with a wonderful program “MADAY” MD assoc for dyslexic adults and children, my oldest son did very well with behavior modification and we carried it over to the ADD.

My sons are extremely bright, creative and giving individuals. I feel that the world is a better place with them in it. They are not perfect, and they have had anger issues with me,( the 2 ADDers) with and me them,(espeially with me drinking excessively at times) but in the long run, having children was the best thing to happen to me. And I can proudly say, while not perfect, certainly, I am a really good Mom. I totally respect folks who choose not to have children, not an easy thing to do years ago,and I agree some individuals should never have had or continue to have children.

Certainly something to look into long and hard, they are not an 18yr commitment but a lifelong commitment. Lots of open communication with your spouse is essential. But to NOT have children due to ADD concerns? Who can better understand what they are going thru and what they need?

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