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Re: 22 yr old guy; Newly diagnosed; a few questions

Re: 22 yr old guy; Newly diagnosed; a few questions2011-12-21T10:05:40+00:00

The Forums Forums I Just Found Out! I Have a Diagnosis, Now What? 22 yr old guy; Newly diagnosed; a few questions Re: 22 yr old guy; Newly diagnosed; a few questions

#110457

Tiddler
Member
Post count: 802

Hiya

A whole lot of stuff going on for you. I’m glad you’ve got the diagnosis you need and you’re still pretty young so that’s really positive too!

I can’t answer a lot of it as I don’t have experience with meds yet (they’re off license for adults in this country) but I can say that when I’m in a highly stressful situation, I’m the one who reacts calmly, quickly and appropriately WAY before anyone else does. I feel like other people seem to be going in slow motion when that happens and it really frustrates me about them!

Advice for your wife and mum? I think expectations have to be different around ADD. Not lower – just different. For example, I can’t get a bulk of housework done at once, so my husband took up the slack on the 2 things I was worst at but were most urgent when they weren’t done – the laundry and the washing up. There was no point in him doing stuff that I was able to manage like cleaning the bathroom (no distractions there) and steam cleaning the floors/tiles/kitchen cupboards (woo, gadget – I can do that!)

He learned to understand that what I need seemed pointless to him but actually was important. So, he sits with me for a few minutes in the morning to help me try to structure my day. He learned that I didn’t want advice. I just wanted to talk to someone about it to try to set myself on track.

He and I both realised that birthdays, anniversaries etc weren’t important to us and we forget them anyway (he’s aspie, I’m ADHD) so we make a point of making random days a bit more special now and again.

He knows now that I miss the first couple of sentences of whatever he says to me as it takes me a few seconds to tune in. So he has started saying, ‘listen’ or ‘are you with me?’ before he begins. And he doesn’t complain if I miss the whole thing and he has to start again.

When I break off mid conversation, he understands now and either brings me back to it or just lets the conversation wiggle along randomly. This morning I was talking about something and noticed some fog in the distance and off I went with that and before that it was someone else’s driving and before that it was something else. The conversation was pretty one sided I now realise. At the time I thought it was 50/50. So maybe just some way of getting her to let you know you’re hogging the conversation without having to say anything snappy would be useful?

Also, from a mum’s point of view, and a daughter’s point of view, I think that the tangental is important and I try to respect that in my son and wish it had been accepted in me.

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