Tiddler, that scenario vacillation sounds very familiar! Don’t we feel clever when we are able to pull off the first one though?!!
RedSquirrel, I agree the sink or swim idea might work but I suspect that it requires the individual to be somewhat motivated form within. As you say you were a fighter type. Unfortunately those who have a minimal ability to drive themselves will flounder. I suppose if drugs, alcohol or violence were involved that is the sort of ultimatum one would need ( i.e. kick them out of the house).
In this case that is not the issue and to be fair the child has made an attempt at better grades since the beginning of the year because after the last school term disaster I insisted on testing “or else.” The “or else” was telling my husband how bad it really was. I guess fear of even more parental harassment and probably perplexity was enough to actually agree to see a psychologist. The improvement in grades was minimal but enough to get by. Nevertheless, general motivation is still lacking and what I find the most difficult is the constant argumentativeness and contrarian behaviour.
What motivated me as a teenager ?- Well motivation wasn’t the problem! It was finishing all the things that I was motivated to do! I was the typical ADHDer in that sense, always finding something interesting and new to do.
My child on the other hand is the inattentive type and very low on the motivation scale ( not sure there is such an actual scale but the psych who did the evaluation made a point of how low motivation was.) This prompted the med prescription which at first was not recommended. Also perhaps all that argumentativeness and constant opposition which seems to defy logic and reason is a neurological immaturity of the ADD brain.
So in terms of positive methods not sure what to use! In the late teen years they are beyond the usual discipline methods one would employ with a younger child.They actually think they are an adult because they are over 18 not because they need to behave responsibly. As a young person I suppose I was fear driven to a certain extent. While I did lots of dumb stuff parental wrath was always at the back of my mind so I never went totally overboard. ( well except once literally involving a boat but that’s another story!)
I guess what I’m really looking for are ideas on how to establish a relationship that can involve a calm and reasonable discussion. Perhaps I should just not react to anything. Let sleeping kids lie so to speak 