Re: Angry? Hell ,I'm Pissed!

[Anonymous]

I hear you cakat01! and Hey, again Wgreen,

I will definitely have to read “blondeADDkiwi”‘s post. “Just out of the blue something will annoy me or “set me off.” I can’t control how I feel. I hate being this way. I just want to get on with life instead of pacing and procrastinating about starting or getting a job done. It’s soul destroying!! ” I know just how she feels. And “he defined the disorder as “a neurological (or physical) impairment of the moral will.” That assessment rings true to me. It certainly speaks to my condition.” Thank You, Brother for the quote and the info. I have to agree with Mr. Trilling and you on that point. It certainly speaks to my condition, too. and I don’t care if you are the layman son of a famous critic ( and wit). Hell, I don’t even care if you are a psychiatrist or a raving lunatic ( no oxymoron jokes please.) Truth is Truth as far as I know. And so far, all ADHD treatments that offer some or complete relief relied heavily on anecdotal evidence and still do. But, while I do empathize with Miss Kiwi and everyone of us that is suffering just like her, I don’t believe that ” cancer of the soul” is analogous with “a neurological (or physical) impairment of the moral will.” Not at all. “Cancer of the soul” is kinda hyperbolic, isn’t it? All of us with ADHD SUFFER from it,no doubt. All of us, to varying degrees, varying circumstances and at different times in our lives have wished someone or something would please, please, for the love of God, help us!

But most of us would agree that cancer is a disease with no upside only mutilation and death. ADHD is a disorder that, from what I’ve seen and read has many more upsides to it than down. In my experience we are far more empathetic, creative and down to earth than your non ADDer’s . And amazingly tolerant of differences ( if not interruptions) as it seems we tend to only hold grudges with ourselves.

My moral will is definitely impaired, but my moral compass is fine, when I can find the damned thing! And my soul can’t be tarnished by things I can’t control. And while my soul has never been “pesky” my conscience often is as well as my monkey mind. Pesky and downright mean spirited.

I’m pissed and definitely bewildered by the fact that I have so much compassion in me and am so concerned with the needs of others, yet I still thoughtlessly hurt others. I HATE that I can look right at you in a quiet room and not hear a single f-ing word you’re saying and then later argue with you over what you said. I’m bummed that just like I’ve often done, most of you probably have stopped reading this post because it’s more than 5 snappy sentences long and yet I will still probably resent you for it. It hurts. Each mistake adds another brick to a load I’m always carrying around with me. It often seems like every mistake I have ever made is weighing on my mind. And then my sense of humor kicks in (another trait we excel at) and lightens the load. A sense of humor that is based entirely on my ADHD experiences.

It’s a carrot or stick type of proposition, friends. We all get beaten by ADHD in the beginning because all we see is the confusion, the pain. And, yet, just like those sunglasses you’ve been looking for for what seems like forever, the GOOD STUFF has always been right there, you’ve been wearing them the whole time.

I don’t know about you, but I prefer laughter to tears, thinking outside the box to being trapped in it. We should all accept and allow our anger, we earned it. And we earned our happiness, too, no matter what our crimes may be.

Some of us who were diagnosed as adults or didn’t seek help until then may find the last line of this post an outright lie or only partially true, but it is neither.

ADHD may never be cured and that doesn’t HAVE to be a bad thing.

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