The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Venting! › Call Me Irresponsible › Re: Call Me Irresponsible
Another interesting thread folks. And I agree with the others above QUizzical, your writing is very evocative, so certainly something writing related should appear on your calling card!
kc5jck, I absolutely love your idea for the card listing our ADHD “virtues” – I think I may seriously consider it to help keep me from volunteering for things in the spur of the moment! (After I wrote that sentence my email pinged with a new message and I went to check -I can’t believe I actually just volunteered to do something that wasn’t even on the list of requests in the email – uuuggghhh!!!!)
But coming back to the original direction of the thread Quizzical – I can relate to your reaction. I too have experienced that seemingly paralytic feeling when one is not able to speak up for oneself. I believe in my case my avoidance of conflict comes in to play.
There’s always that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach if I have to assert myself in the spur of the moment and then after the incident itself. It’s something I am trying to overcome and so I tell myself not to worry about what people think about what I say but there is always that insecurity about people not liking me. Which seems silly if I think about it with any kind of distance. Why should I really care what relative strangers think about me? I experienced a lot of bullying as a kid so in my armchair analysis I guess that fear stays with you. Nevertheless, while it has been helpful to recognize the feeling that occurs in the sense that I can make a conscious effort to not think that way, it is hard behaviour to unlearn. No matter what logic dictates that gut reaction just kicks in anyway. It always amazes me when I’m in a meeting and people speak up to voice a negative response to a suggestion. I can speak up to agree, or offer a suggestion but would never think of an opposing thing to argue about or put myself out to argue for a cause. I guess fighting off bullies throughout my childhood took away my energy for doing it with any kind of confidence as an adult.
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