Alright, so mom shut down on you. 
I know that is frustrating.
Sounds like she has a lot of stuff going on on her own, as you mentioned. From the conversation you posted, she got overwhelmed pretty easily and just…as I said, shut down.
I know it seems like you have gone to the batting cage again and again and again and struck out. I know you must feel incredibly frustrated and stuck.
I just want to give you some encouragement, and make some observations.
First, obviously I think it would be a good idea to lay off for a while. Let things calm down, let your mom settle, so she doesn’t feel berated. If you go to her again too soon, she’ll probably reach her point of overwhelm even quicker, shut down even quicker, or perhaps even escalate into a bigger argument instead of shutting down.
If and when you do talk to her again, my suggestion would be
A) Keep it very simple, and very short. Simple. Short. For example,
“Mom? I know I’ve come at you with this before, and we’ve argued. I’m not going to argue with you now. I just want to let you know that I want to go to my doctor and talk to them about how I’ve been struggling. I’m having a really hard time. Do you think you could make an appointment for me? You don’t have to tell me now. I’m going to go to my room and (work on my homework) (listen to some music) (watch tv).”
And then WALK AWAY. Don’t continue standing there, don’t continue talking, don’t continue explaining, don’t continue trying to persuade. You’ve stated, simply, what you need. Let her process that and come to a conclusion and decision about it on her own. When she’s reached her decision, she’ll let you know. If she lets you know her decision immediately, ie, before you can walk away, and says “No.” or tries to engage you in an argument, STILL WALK away. Say, “Okay, I’m gonna go “work on homework” etc.
Because if she answers you immediately, she hasn’t really thought about it, she’s just reacting based off of previous frustration and previous conversations.
Give her some time to think. Even if she says “No.” Here’s the thing – people still think about things even after they’ve voiced an immediate opinion. Don’t you? Don’t you mull things over, change your mind, think about what else you would have said, or what you would have said differently? Your mom might do that too.
If you change the way you approach her, if you change the way you interact with her, her thoughts and opinions may change. She may consider it differently, especially if there is less stress surrounding it.
Right now, your conversations with your mom about your ADD are highly emotional and highly stressful.
Simplify your statements, simplify the conversations, and take the argueing and stress out of the conversation. I think this would greatly reduce your mom’s highly reactional, defensive, emotional response. It might give her the ability to reach a state where she can think more about it, and make a better decision.
Did you notice that your conversation with your mom about your ADD, your original intention, was completely hijacked?
Yep. You didn’t talk with your mom about ADD at all. I think you might have thought you did, but actually, here’s a list of what you talked about:
– whether or not your mom said it was okay for you to get diagnosed
– whether or not your mom said the diagnosis would harm you
– whether or not your mom’s diet pills helped her
– whether or not you should be on meds
– whether or not your mom takes her diet pills every day
– how much it would cost to get diagnosed
– how the meds affected your brother
So……not a whole lot there along the lines of you going to your doctor. It really derailed pretty quickly. Immediately, in fact, once you started discussing whether or not your mom said you could get diagnosed. That is a moot point! What she’s said in the past, whether or not she has ADD, your brother has ADD, what meds they’ve taken, what meds you have taken or will possibly take…all that is either in the past or hasn’t happened yet.
Be in the moment. Don’t be in prior conversations. Don’t be in the future with all the worries and what if’s.
Be in the moment.
In this moment, you want to go to the doctor and talk about how you’re struggling.
State that. Walk away.
Also, in the mean time, talk about it with everyone else you possibly can – teachers, friends, etc.
Maybe your mom can’t talk about it right now, but other people can. And it’s on your mind, so talk about it with them. Let them know how you’re struggling. Unburden yourself that way.
Also, one final thing – I don’t know if it’s such a good idea to introduce third parties – ie this website, or a friend, or a teacher, etc. – into the conversation with your mom. For one reason, you need to keep it simple (have I said that often enough? ha ha) I know you may feel like you need back-up or ammunition to go into the battle/conversation/discussion/ argument with your mom, but, really, what I”m advising you to do is just make a singular statement, very simply, so then, there’s no argument, or discussion, or debate. No need for back-up or support or data. Because, really, your mom doesn’t seem to be responding well to that, unfortunately. So then, just, “I’m struggling. I need this.” and walk away might be a better, different strategy. Also, for another reason, your mom may feel bad that you are going for outside support. She may feel confronted by that, or guilty or embarrassed by that, or like someone from the outside is trying to tell her what she should do, or that they are judging her. People can get their backs up and get really stubborn when that happens.
REPORT ABUSE