Re: Can't calm down

[Anonymous]

The more you try to push thoughts or emotions away, the harder they push back, eventually, in my experience (meltdown last spring over unresolved grief). Gameguy, are you seeing a psychotherapist at all? Ours gave us practices (including a wide range of meditation techniques) that he calls “tools”, at least one of them will work to interrupt the BELIEF in our thoughts. Other practices help us sit with the difficult thoughts or emotions without trying to repress them or dump them. I’ve never done formal therapy so I can’t attest to how that works, ours is a blend of therapy and meditation training, and although it’s hard work it has had a noticeable effect on my ability to control the rapid progress from simmer to boil. I actually came home the other night and the pattern that came up never exploded, I knew it was there but I was able to work with it and tell my husband what was going on in a way that didn’t cause either of us to explode.

You can’t completely get rid of the thoughts (which ride on the emotions, which are harder to control at their more subtle level as they arise), but you don’t have to believe them. And with practice and appropriate techniques, you can learn to ride them like a wave (they have a beginning, a middle, and an end). Sometimes the wave can be like a tsunami, other times, a gentle lapping wave on the beach. Practicing to work with these when you’re not in a difficult situation helps you to be able to use the tools when you are.

My teacher’s teacher apparently has homicidal thoughts every day, but he doesn’t act on them. Imagine that!

I’m getting better at it. These days are tsunami-style for me, but I’m managing to stay afloat.

It’s a good sign in practice that you are becoming aware of your thoughts since that’s the first step in learning how to work with them.

I’m learning that it’s ok and a good idea to ask for help when you need it.

As an example of not believing your thoughts and learning how to disengage from them, maybe check out Byron Katie’s book about “The Work”. Our teacher gave us an exercise from it that was helpful, you basically ask certain questions about the situation and it helps you to see it from a different perspective. Although it says it’s a spiritual practice, it’s not religious. Spiritual practices these days really just mean working on yourself mentally and emotionally. I don’t practice in this way, but one group member said it was extremely helpful for her. Here’s a link to her website http://thework.com/thework.php

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