Re: Carrying a Guilt

[Wgreen]

Hey TF!

Good to have you back.

Question for you.

What if we were to take the word “shame” and change it to “ownership?”

Is it appropriate for people who have… let’s call them “character issues,” be they neurological or psychological—or both, to take ownership of those issues? Or, do we 1) assign ownership of those issues instead to society, our parents, our bosses? Or, do we 2) refuse to call them issues at all—just pretend they don’t really exist? Or reject the notion of ownership altogether? Or…? What do you think? Is it really OK repeatedly to show up late, or routinely turn in work a week late, or lie, or trash the house? It seems to me that if we don’t take ownership of our own behavio(u)r at some level—as painful and scarring as that may be when we desperately want to behave differently—we’re either placing an unfair burden on others or, in effect, chiding people to say our manure doesn’t stink just because we’re somehow different.

To be fair to parents, surely most of them simply want their kids to learn to take personal responsibility for their own behaviors—and thus for their futures. For the parents of ADD kids, I know that’s tough. How do you teach accountability on the one hand while helping a child understand the challenges and unique moral implications of an impaired “free” will?

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