Re: Chronic Inertia

[sdwa]

Misswho23:

Thanks for the feedback.

As I think about it, I have done a number of things, but in a haphazard and scattered way that’s resulted in not making any real money and not having any concrete achievements on paper.

My latest list trick is to just make a sloppy hand-written note in loose categories: to do laundry, wash the dishes, practice the ukelele, work on my novel, work on my mural, work on other painting, do something for Kid #1, do something for Kid #2, do some of the reading I want to do, run errands, pay bills, take out the recycling, take out the garbage. In one day I did 7 things on the list, but none of them were the big or important things. And then I became annoyed. The important things loom large and are intimidating, which is why I’m not doing them.

But I hear what you are saying about never getting that sense of accomplishment – there’s no reward for doing anything. Or not much of one. I also make lists to just get the random flying stuff out of my mind.

Lately I’ve become addicted to video games and noticed that it’s because there is always, always a pay-off: making it to the next level. In the real world, there is no next level – or if there is, it is too far above and beyond anything I have any hope of reaching. I only started doing this because my kids play video games, and it looked fun. And it is, aside from being an enormous waste of time. What makes it a draw? It makes my brain feel like I’m doing something, and elevates my mood. Nothing in my actual waking life feels that way. So, I can see how they become very seductive.

Seems like video games could be constructed to serve an actual purpose. Others have had this thought as well – as in the case of a group of science people who needed help folding proteins, so they created a game to get people to do that for them, because machines can’t think the same way that people do. (I think their website is called http://www.foldit.com or http://www.foldit.org).

Coaches and/or therapists are not necessarily that great because they are content to take your money for as long as you can pay them whether or not they are actually being helpful. I don’t always know what is helping and what isn’t, or how I could tell, at least not until after making a significant investment of time, money, and trust. So far, understanding more about ADHD in general terms helps because at least I sort of know what I’m dealing with and what to expect.

My dreams at night are so vivid it’s like traveling to another universe.

What I also liked about that teacher was that he waited until I understood all of the information before going on. There was no external schedule, no need to rush to get to the end of the quarter or semester, ready or not. I knew that I was going to have to absorb everything we were working on before he would consider moving on to the next thing. It worked incredibly well. Sadly quite rare – even for school children – more or less unheard of in adult education.

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