Re: coach or parrasite .. how do i find out short of buying in?

[sdwa]

Hi Tea,

I hear ya. I think Dr. J may have said in one of his videos something to the effect that it is helpful to go into counseling or coaching with a clear idea of what you hope to get out of it. I think this is important, based on my experience of stumbling around and not having a clue.

I am a veteran of about 20 years of traditional “therapy,” (before diagnosis) and found that about 20% of the people I worked with were helpful, while the others made things worse. Then there are always people who, when they hear my real problems, will basically respond like, “Gee, you’re really screwed up!” Thanks for the tip, doofus – I’m better qualified to counsel people than some of these folks were.

I worked with an ADD coach who was accredited by some coaching organization or other, both by an ADD coaches’ outfit and a regular “life coaching” place, plus had an MBA, and had been an Olympic swimmer – so I figured this was a person who knew how to do things, and who also made sense. Worked with him for 9 months. Very expensive. What I got out of it was encouragement and a clearer idea of what my skill set really is. Was it worth the money? It would have been worth more if I’d known what I was trying to accomplish. Dude has a blog radio show called “Attention Talk Radio,” which if you Google it, you can probably find and listen to for free.

While I was working with him I also got religious counseling from a tough guy who called me on my excuses and made me accept responsibility for the stupid situations I put myself in. That was painful and difficult, because I didn’t really understand how my ADHD drives my behavior, and because I already had such low self-esteem that any more reasons to feel bad crushed me. But I also got real and stopped resenting other people for my problems.

It’s good to fully grasp how the brain works. I’m now in a support group for people with ADHD, run by someone who has ADHD, and this helped to clarify that ADHD is a real problem, with symptoms that are common to all of us, that it is based in physiology, that it is not a character defect, and that I need to accept how it affects me before I can learn to work around it. I’d heard that before, but I didn’t believe it until I saw and heard others struggling with exactly the same kinds of issues. Been going to that for the better part of a year. I’d say this investment was well worth it – a group setting makes it real, reduces shame, helps me appreciate my strengths so I can build on them and let go of the things I’m not so good at.

You might be able to find a FREE CHADD support group in your area – I find that hearing other people’s stories reduces the emotional burden of the challenges of ADHD, as long as people are not sitting around making excuses and feeling sorry for themselves and reinforcing each other’s inertia.

Most recently I came across the video “ADD Crusher,” which is available in streaming video on Amazon. I think you can rent it for a few bucks (I bought it, it’s pricey – about $50.) This was made by another ADDer who’s distilled the best advice from about 200 ADD books into a simple collection of tips that really do help. Among them, cleaning up your diet – I quit sugar and stick to a low-carb lifestyle which has helped even out my moods. He also advocates exercise, but that is not all of it. The video is engaging and very watchable, apparently to become a series. While the “Totally ADD” video is great for raising awareness and recognizing the disorder, “ADD Crusher” provides a brass-tacks approach to taking steps to making it easier to live with ADHD. Simple stuff, but very to the point. You can probably find clips of it for free on YouTube.

So, for what it’s worth – sorry to ramble – I guess what I’m saying is that if you can approach any of these folks or resources with some notion of what kind of help you need (which may be difficult to identify – it was for me) you will get more out of working with them.

For me, I think I was so starved for validation, support, understanding, and encouragement, that I would listen to anyone even if their advice wasn’t helpful. Lost and totally confused, not knowing what was wrong with me, not understanding why I was different, feeling bad that other people could do things I couldn’t, feeling isolated and freakish…. I wanted a place to go where they wouldn’t kick me out, where I could feel “safe” emotionally. And I know now I can’t get acceptance from anyone but myself – but I can get that from myself, and have gradually become more successful at what I love to do, and that makes a big difference.

Hope this helps. Whatever your situation, you are not alone.

REPORT ABUSE