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Re: Do you have Predominantly Inattentive Subtype ADD, too?

Re: Do you have Predominantly Inattentive Subtype ADD, too?2010-12-08T17:25:14+00:00

The Forums Forums What is it? Inattention/Distractibility/Focus Do you have Predominantly Inattentive Subtype ADD, too? Re: Do you have Predominantly Inattentive Subtype ADD, too?


Post count: 206

Newbie to this site, but not to ADD. I was diagnosed when I was in grade 1. I was the fidgety child that always blurted out the first answer that came to mind. It was usually the right answer, but I got in a lot of trouble because I never let anyone else have their turn. I am very private, secretive and shy but hide this behind an avalanche of words. So I am often in trouble because I fail to ask others about themselves. I figure that if you want me to know something you will tell me, if I stop talking long enough to listen. If there are long lulls in the conversation I either jump in and start chattering or more likely start slipping back into the safe daydreams that keep me busy when I don’t have a book. Therefore when you do start talking it is often a sentence or two before I am aware that you are talking to me again. Then I just guess at what I missed and continue as though I understood it all. (Quite often I get puzzled looks and they pass it off as she is just eccentric)

I have had a few jobs that I loved, but more often I ended up in conflict with co-workers for being impulsive and completing things to my specifications instead of theirs. Instead of seeing the big picture from their perspective I am sure of what needs to be done, and race quickly to complete this. If I get interrupted to do something else it could be hours or days until I feel the energy to get back to it. And then the project can languish because I have lost the vision. I am better at jobs that require a sequential focus and as long as I know the steps I can finish these quickly. My body may be still but my mind is always racing to fill itself up. I think this is a way of compensating because I was forced to stay still. My last job was in a busy government office where we had cubby’s. This was the absolute worse place for me to be. I often would hear conversations going on between co-workers and would feel this overwhelming need to stand up and blurt out a comment. Restraining myself was exhausting. I worked as a program assistant for 4 programs and was required to book conferences and mail outs that needed to be done in a certain way. This information was not disseminated very well and the one coordinator was also ADD so she would tell me what she wanted and could see it clearly in her mind but was unable to share her vision with me. I also could clearly see the project in my mind and would try to explain my vision and she would agree with what I was saying but we both only saw our own vision. So therefore the end result would often fail to measure up to the coordinators expectations.

They then appointed a person to act as the go between for us. She would break the steps down and tell me exactly what to do. She would only explain one or two steps at a time and then disappear and I would quickly finish this and then when I went looking for the next part couldn’t find her and then the enthusiasm had worn away and by the time she came back I would be caught up in a new project and resented having to quit doing what I wanted to go back to this other thing. This person also took an opportunity to draw attention to me and heap ridicule on me. Instead of appreciating the fact that the coordinator also needed her to act as an intermediary because she lacked the ability to explain she used this as a way to point out that she was superior. I finally quit because I always felt ridiculed.

That was 2 years ago. I now stay home. I read 2 or 3 books a day, nap and find other ways to fill my time while my family goes to work and school. I loved my job but I hated the social fall out. I often felt just like when I was in school like there was always a spotlight on me when I just spilled something on myself. I have a hard time being socially appropriate. I come on too strong with friends and family and have to make a conscious effort to not overwhelm people. If my house is clean and organized I function well in the home but things melt into chaos very quickly then I have a hard time getting back on track. I will tidy quickly (putting things in boxes and drawers) and then the next day I have to find something and everything gets torn apart again. I could easily be on one of the hoarder shows because I hate to part with anything. I have every receipt, manual (French and English) and box of household items but they end up shoved away and never found again, unless I am hunting for something else. I lose my keys, glasses, articles of clothing because these are discarded while I am busy doing something, or thinking something and then I come back to where I thought I put it and it isn’t there. I spend a lot of time playing “If I was blank, where would I be”.

My family try not to interrupt me when I am reading or watching tv. They get my attention then stand back while I take a moment to stop focusing on the task that I am doing. If they interrupt me too fast I get angry and lash out. I hyperfocus on one task and the rest of the world ceases to exist. I can be in the middle of an ocean of people but the only thing that matters right now are me and this book because too much stimulation overwhelms me and I get giddy and drunk on social situation. I have to be socially engaged in my conversation or I get lost in my own thoughts and bored and start looking around at something else to focus on. If I am bored I will become engaged with other conversations and will interject comments like I was a participant and give unsolicited advice. My family is always chiding me for eavesdropping on others.

I regularly do 2 or 3 things at once, and if I find it interesting I can complete them all, but if I get bored I can abandon 1 or all of the tasks for something else. I hate to be late but will often get caught up waiting so leave later and rush to get there. I hate to wait on someone else, and this often leaves me angry and impatient when the world does not function on my timetable. When something must be done I am decisive and swift and will finish everything to my specification. I can wake up 5 before I have to go, have time to shower, dress and get out the door. But if I have hours to wait I will often get busy or distracted to keep myself from focusing on the endless time ahead and therefore have to rush to get ready to go.

I was called an old-soul or just weird as a child, I got along well with adults but never made many friends. My social world focused around my family, and if I did get invited to a strangers home it was the same nightmare. I would be on the edge of my seat with excitement, the time would creep by slowly until it was time to go, then finally the time would arrive. I would be manic and hyper and overwhelm everyone else at the party, I couldn’t sit still and had to see and do everything all at once. I usually ended up spilling my drink on the hostesses dress or her brand new couch, or I would have my mouth full of ice cream and something funny would happen and I would spew ice cream all over. I was never invited to their home or any of the other participants homes again. Now I often get cued that I talk to fast, too loud or I am unable to talk at all. If the party is too loud, I can’t concentrate on any one voice. I can’t hear clearly and it all just buzzes through me. I get jazzed and it is like too much champagne. I feel giddy but disconnected. When I get home I just deflate. It takes hours to stop the buzzing in my head. I feel like I have been stung by a million fire ants.

I have a memory like an elephant, and I never forget. But not anything that I need to remember. I can recall the first words you spoke to me, but I can’t remember to get milk when I am at the store for milk. I remember when you need to pay your Visa bill but forget that I promised to make 2 dozen cupcakes for my daughters dance. That is the dichotomy of ADD. My brain is different then everyone else’s. I have to make a conscious effort to be “normal” like everyone else. I have had 42 years experience being a mimic. It helps remembering so much trivial bits and pieces because then you can follow the sequential steps to be like everyone else. But beware, because you are just a mimic and at anytime you could be unmasked.