Re: Free at last at 44!!

[Anonymous]

I thought I had mild symptoms- since i did complete some college- took 3 tries, and well haven’t been able to go back and finish my true goal of completing my Bachelor’s/Masters. I had trouble in school at times but behaved. When I was able to apply myself I got A’s. I knew I was/am smart. I have implemented modifications for me to stay on task. I have moved up the professional ladder. So, not me…. But looking back, all the energy it took… and well, takes to stay on task- is exhausting. In my 20s I slept a lot, in my 30’s worked a lot, and now in my 40’s trying to find balance. I look back and understand why I started self medicating with alcohol in my teenage years. But in my 20’s I stopped due to kids and family. But when I hit 40, dealing with a severe ADHD kid diagnosed at 17, I started medicating with alcohol. It didn’t work. Now, I can’t drink and that’s a good thing. Now, I recently found out that I have “severe” ADHD, though I am successful in many aspects of my life- which I used to just point to being a type A personality.

Being recently diagnosed and just started meds (I don’t think I am at the right dose-yet)– I am going through a lot of feelings. Life is still going fast and I can’t take the time to “step out” of the rat race to sort things. I am always exhausted, but can’t just lie down for a nap- whether on meds or not. My mind just won’t shut off. At night, since being put on Trazodone a few years ago, I can sleep. I truly pray that there is a med and a correct dose for me so that I can get back on the task of healing and being the best person I can be. I guess when I got the diagnosis, I was excited and thrilled at the hope that I could achieve my dreams in job and school. Now after 4 weeks, I am feeling that may never happen…

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