Re: Frustrated…

[Carrie]

Yes, yes, and YES!

Exactly! My life to a “T’! Emotions suck. PMS is HORRIBLE! Thank goodness for anti-depressants. I would start off very hyper and happy, in an instant then “rage” throw stuff and become verbally abusive. Right after that I would realize what I had done, feel like a horrible person, get extremely depressed. Then the suicidal thoughts would enter. My husband would make me feel better… I would become hyper and the cycle would start all over again! Prozac saved my families sanity and me! On a normal non-pms day… I usually have a lot of energy in the morning and it tapers off around 2pm. With out meds im all over the place. My emotions come up quick. I could be really angry about something and then minutes later forget why im angry and carry on like nothing happened. Ive tried to stay angry at my husband before… forgot why I was.. asked him if he knew why then I said “Right!” he won’t tell me anymore if I ask hahahaha Also sucks when you forget why your kids are grounded. Luckily when I ask “Do you know why your grounded?” I can make it sound like they need to reflect on what they did hahahaha

I tend to either eat waaaaaaaay too much or forget to eat which makes me very very very VERY cranky… then my poor husband will bring me a plate of food and run. Once ive finished the food I can then think again and am a calm normal person. I too was about 80lbs over weight. I manage to lose 35lbs and keep it off. Still trying to get the last 50lbs off thought I carry my weight very well. Turns out I have a hypothyroid so medication should help me out too I hope! At least bring me back to a normal state in which losing weight wont be as nearly impossible as just with ADD alone hahahahaha

I have no friends. I find doing small talk impossible and pointless. My friends are family and co-workers – who I never see outside of work. Ive never gotten along with other girls. Making friends now like with other moms… ive tried but im just not into the “in” things and the “I should be doing it like this or like that” feels fake. If I could find a REAL gal to hang out with great! I also don’t like the commitment that is involved. Keeping in touch, Christmas cards, birthdays, blah blah blah. I don’t even like to do what most people do. I don’t watch TV so how can I keep up with the latest sitcom? I play video games most moms don’t. Most WOMEN dont. I HATE shopping. I don’t like going out for coffee. I don’t like going out to bars to drink. I rather just drink (like I am now) and watch my fish, browse the internet (which is super boring these days), play video games, sleep… I guess thats about all I do really.

I also hate the fact that all the other moms are into decorating and (well at least look like) great moms. I am terrible with decorating. I HATE IT (im talking about easter and xmas etc.). I have a horrible time trying to organize myself (like the rest of us ADDErs) nevermind my kids. Homework is HORRIBLE. I try my best to help my kids with it. I often forget to sign permission forms and then my kids miss a neat field trip. Recently I forgot to sign and hand one in to go read with my daughter who is struggling in a new school with no friends and then heres her absent minded mom who forgets everything and is terrified to enter the school ground because there is so much going on at once and I fear small talk. I went… It was very hard… But luckliy they let me join even though I asked the day of when I was suppose to hand in the form a month ago. I can’t organize the house and the laundry for the life of me. My kids go to school almost every day with mismatched socks. I tried to buy all the same ones but who knows where they went! Anyways… im just rambling. Being a mom with ADHD SUCKS! Being a wife with it also sucks! Feeling inadequate because “all the other wives” keep a tidy house and at least keep up with the laundry. Yes I know… not all… But thats what a wife should do! Yes a husband should help… but it still makes me feel like crap!

And now for work. I COMPLETELY understand you Whereisit! Before medication I CONSTANTLY had to ask the same question over and over and then repeat myself while doing the task so I wouldnt forget. I can never understand simple concepts. People think im quite “duh”. Yet with complicated things and emergency Im way up there! I always misunderstand what people say which makes me feel like such an idiot. A doctor today was asking about a patient… how he mobilized. I thought he was asking how he was overall with activities of daily living (ie hygiene, toileting etc) So I said “Well hes independent” then the doctor saw I understood wrong and said “Yes… how does he walk?” I still didnt get it and said “Well he goes for a walk with physio every day” then the doctor said “Yes…. but can he walk on his own or does he need help?” Ahhhhhh then I got it! I felt like such an idiot. That happens to me ALL the time. I completely miss the point! I also take things WAY to literal. When getting report from another nurse on a patient she said “the patient requires supervision” I then said “Whats supervision”? She said “When they are doing care… you stand by…” I then clued in.. I thought she meant it was this new type of vision… Super vision! All the other nurses chuckled and looked at each other. Sadly that wasn’t a one time occurrence. I understand things literally too much. It only makes me feel bad about myself when others roll their eyes and shake their heads. One other fall back is paper work. Having to keep up with emails and new doctors orders and follow ups and blah blah blah! It takes me way more time than most. I can’t read and follow directions for the life of me. I normally have to ask someone even after reading and they have to explain over and over. I usually get caught up on the WRONG details.

Anyways… Im rambling again. Very sorry! I can understand your frustration. Im still finding it hard to swallow the fact that im “different” and no I can’t organize myself and keeping the house clean is WAAAAAAAAAAY more difficult for ADDers than normal people. I don’t “feel” different. I don’t tell anyone about the ADD in fear of them saying “Yeah we ALL have it” or them thinking im just using it as an excuse. Most people don’t agree with medication and I don’t even want to go there. They have no idea. They cant understand. Like most of us, we all feel like we are on the outside looking in.

Why dont we all just get together here on the outside and throw a party? Have the ones on the inside looking out at us hahahahahaha

Oh and what helped for me… Well I do have an ADD coach… Shes helped a bit. Medication has really helped. This website has really helped in talking with other people. Learning about ADD has really helped. Im hoping to attend and ADD support group here to see if that helps because it really gets discouraging when your on your own…

REPORT ABUSE