Re: getting along with people …how?

[Carrie]

Oh my goodness! This is EXACTLY what my ADD coach and I have been trying to work on! Social anxiety!! I would LOVE to take my kids out skating, or out for a walk but im TERRIFIED about running into someone I may know because I feel so awkward and YES like an “alien” I say an outsider. I always feel like im on the outside and I just cant seem to connect no matter what I try!

I HATE small talk! I just cant do it! Its sooooooooo awkward… but I feel if I dont start the small talk they will think im rude! One minute I am sooooooo outgoing and HELLO HOW ARE YOU? Isnt is a wonderful day? An hour later, they may see me again and im super shy trying not to make eye contact and feel like an idiot. I always feel like im on the outside looking in… and with the ADD avoid and fear places I may run into someone like the store, out for a walk, taking my kids to school. BLEH! Sorry to vent on your post! But its so nice to know im not the only one!!

My weekly focus with my coach is to keep practicing the small talk because with ADD with tend to lag behind because we just avoid things. She suggested I think of 3 things that are handy to say in small talk on hand, and then always direct the conversation at them because everyone likes to talk about themselves. I find that relieves the pressure off me to keep the conversation going especially when I feel no one has the same interests as me but I love to hear what others have to say and learn about them. But lots of times I dont care as well… How does that work eh? hahaha She suggests I use questions that start with what and how. Like “What are your plans for the holidays” so they are not dead end questions and I ca still engage them in conversation.

Example: I want to take my kids out skating, and its close to the holidays… My 3 things in case I run into someone “What are you up to for the holidays?” “What are some of your traditions?” “When did you learn to skate?” etc etc. and then when I feel its starting to get awkward I can use the skating as my escape “Well I should get back to my kids now” I thought the escape part was GENIOUS! I find thats why I have such an easy time at work to talk to people because work is my escape. If I start to get antsy “well I should get back to work. Was nice chatting”. Of course she told me not to give up and it does take practice. All the non-ADDers have had lots so its not as bad for them….

Im still baffled by the whole having “friends” im not ready for that commitment! That seems like too much work for me! hahaha

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