i was on disability in the UK for major depression for a fair while. i just couldn’t function at work, i had a hysterical meltdown at the mere idea of going there. the money really sucked. honestly, i think an intensive CBT course (like one i just took this summer) would have been much more help to me.
trashman- i don’t know if you’ve ever had cognative behavioural therapy before, but if you can get some, its really good stuff. basically you learn about your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour, and how they all affect each other- for example:
if you choose to think “he’s laughing at me because i suck” , then you’ll feel paranoid, hurt, and inadequate, and act submissively (or just hide away at home, crying under the blankets, thinking about how sucktastic you are)….
….. if you choose to say “oh my god its a huge vicious looking spider! i’m frightened of spiders! this is a crisis, i’m gonna have a panic attack and i might die right now!” you will feel really bloody scared, and you’ll have a panic attack- cos you just told yourself to do that… and then you’ll tell yourself its dreadful, and you’re dying… and you’ll feel dreadful, and like you’re dying.
if you feel angry about losing a parking spot when driving, you’ll think really unhealthy hurtful thoughts at the other driver, and behave in a hostile and agressive manner behind the wheel…. get a headache, have a rubbish afternoon….and so on.
once you start to learn about the links between what you think, feel, and do, how your head works, and practice being in charge of your feelings and thoughts and behaviours instead of falling victim to them, you can start to challenge a lot of the negative crap you tell yourself in your own head (we all do that) – and you can become active in changing stuff. you can learn to not have your feelings hurt (cos they’re YOUR feelings, you don’t belong to them- they’re in your head, and you control the thinking, and changing the thinking changes the feeling that goes with it- get it?).
so instead of the examples above, you’d think:
“he’s laughing at me because i su…..hang on a minute…. i don’t really know why he’s laughing, i’m guessing. maybe he’s thinking about a really funny joke he saw on tv last night. even if he does think i suck, who gives a damn- he’s not the worlds authority on sucking, and i’m good enough for ME, thats what counts- damnit, i rock…. i’mma go get myself a cookie for being so awesome- i deserve it!” , then you’ll feel pretty chipper, and act way way happier….stroll off munching a cookie, and have a nice afternoon….
and:
….. “oh. its a little spider. this isn’t a crisis, i can handle this- i’ve done it before. i’m gonna put this huge mug over it carefully, slide a bit of paper underneath, take it outside, put it down, knock over the mug, and wait for the spider to run away!” you will feel confident, in charge, and proud of your ability to cope- cos you just told yourself to… and you’ll breeze through the spider-relocation.
you can say to yourself “just relax, its only a parking spot, i’ll get another one, he must really need it… no big deal! when driving, you’ll feel relaxed, and behave cool, calm and collectedly behind the wheel…. not get a headache, have a nice afternoon….and so on.
in CBT you get to learn stress management, to practice and imagine scenarios that you tend to find hard- before you deal with them for real, do relaxation, plan doing stuff differently to help you succeed, how to be aware of your thoughts as they wander about, and stop them when they’re going somewhere bad, and turn them around etc.
being able to say to yourself “now hang on, i’m making this worse than it really is!- is that thought really 100% true and accurate?- how do i KNOW that what i’m telling myself is true? could i be wrong? is it really that dreadful if it is true? what else could be going on? is this feeling helping me? what could i do differently?” when you’re thinking “they’re all arseholes, everyone hates me, i might as well beat myself over the head with the office stapler and put myself out of my misery- its never going to get any better, i’ll always be a failure and a freak, waaaaah!” after someone walked past you with a scowl on their face in the office, is really cool. cos it really is quite funny how we tell ourselves crappy stories, decide they’re true, then get all pissed off and feel hurt- when we could be telling ourselves nicer stories, not taking them too seriously, and having an alright day instead.
i’m really LOVING the change in me after my CBT course. stuff really doesn’t bother me any more, cos i don’t see the point in letting it bother me, i don’t encourage my thoughts into ‘poor little me/i’m no good/this is scary and i’m doomed’ territory, i see when they’re going that way, and reel them back in, sort them out, replace them with better ones, and i’m the mistress of ‘deciding not to get pissed off or freaked out by silly people and pointless crap thats really not worth my while”. 