The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Self Medicating/Risk Taking › How did/do you self medicate? › Re: How did/do you self medicate?
Anonymous
I’ve tried almost every drug on the planet at one time or another, but I quickly realized I had no interest in most of them. My addictions of choice have settled on Alcohol, Food, knowledge and Adrenaline. If I keep my brain stimulated with projects at work, books and documentaries at home or anything else that keeps the wheels turning at a rapid pace, I’m good to go. If I become bored or end up doing some monotonous, repetitive task, I quickly devolve and turn to one of my other addictions.
A boring day at work will usually end with me heading to the bar. Boring weekend is beers in the pool with the neighbors. Food is a more accessible and constant addiction that I have battled my whole life and is present in every hour of the day, lurking in the shadows. I have found a slightly more healthy, although more dangerous, outlet in my sportbike.
A few years ago I purchased a Kawasaki ZX10R, a light weight race bike that does 104mph in first gear and wheelies under power. I had ridden for years and this for me was a return to my roots. I was instantly hooked and I began riding progressively faster and more aggressively. I soon found myself crossing the lonely Arizona desert at speeds reaching 180mph, then up through the high country doing 90mph through twisting corners. This is just what my brain needed! Finally I was doing something that was moving as fast as my mind and it felt like home.
But like everything else, eventually I lost the “charge” I got out of riding, although I still love it, It just doesn’t seem to be exciting for me like it once was. Like a heroin addict who needs more and more of the drug to get high, I now feel this way about speed and danger. It seems no matter what I pursue in life, that addiction constantly grows until I can find a new one.
I think lyrics from a Tool song sum it up for me…
Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom’s not a burden
Anyone should bear.
Constant over stimu-lation numbs me
but I would not want
You any other way.
Cause,
It’s not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said,
I don’t want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I’m alive.
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