Re: How to succeed in a marriage when one spouse has ADD

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it is so hard… I don’t have ADD, my husband does… but maybe it helps that I’m a music teacher.

Last christmas I couldn’t get his attention, he didn’t have good holiday moments growing up and was getting really angry, really loud, really obnoxious about … pretty much nothing… (he got on my case because I was making a mess in the kitchen and left my shoes in the wrong spot…)

I started laughing on the non-sense which made him really upset. Then, told him to calm down and breath.

I told him I had a surprise for him. I kept on repeating it in a joyous tone so that he would hear me: Honey, I have a surprise for you!

I got a gingerbread house kit, and told him to sit down.

I mentioned to him that it was time to create good christmas moments with his new family in his blessed life.

We would have all that in one condition: that he would control his impulses if he was making a mess in the table.

Then I lay down the rules…: No caring about the mess, no negative talk, no arguments and only pleasant conversation. Lots of smiles!

I said we could talk about anything he wanted while we did the gingerbread house kit.

When his stress would go up, I would repeat:”Only smiles”

He had so much fun, and forgot why he was upset as he kept controlling himself and working towards building the little house.

When he finished, I quickly cleaned up around it and showed the result…

Then I said: What was so important that you were trying to say before?

He said: It was not important, this is more important, our family, our house is more important…

So… I figured that if he is working on an activity it helps…

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