Re: I let people down…

[Anonymous]

Something very similar happened on my birthday with my ADHD boyfriend, although not quite as bad. We had been seeing each other for about 8 months, and on my birthday, he took me to his mother’s house, where she made us some dinner. He invited his best friend over, and we ate, and that was my birthday celebration. There was a movie I wanted to see, and I’d told him, and that was the plan. But as the time for the movie approached and I gently suggested we may want to get going, he asked if I still wanted to go. When I told him yes, he invited his friend to come along as well. The friend declined, saying “no no…this is date night..it’s her birthday…you two go alone.” But my boyfriend asked him twice more before we finally got out the door 20 minutes late, and when we arrived at the theatre, they had locked the doors. I was very disappointed, feeling like he didn’t want to spend any time alone with me. He didn’t get me a gift (which is totally fine) or a card (which is totally NOT fine), and when I confronted him about it and expressed how hurt I was, he said “but today isn’t your birthday!” We were celebrating it a couple of days early, since my actual birthday fell on a Monday, and he just kept repeating that today wasn’t really my birthday. This made me think maybe he was going to send me flowers or something on the actual day, and I got my hopes up, but when my birthday arrived, I waited all day and no flowers. This just served to further disappoint me, and when I confronted him about it and explained that it made me feel like he didn’t care about me at all, a fight erupted. He was never able to give me an explanation as to why he kept saying “but today isn’t your birthday.” To this day (3 months later), although I’ve basically gotten over it and have definitely let it go and haven’t brought it up ever again, I’m still BURNING to know what in the hell he was thinking when he said “but today isn’t your birthday.” Any insights?

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