i know how that goes. *hugs*
it’s a big old self perpetuating cycle, isn’t it? people don’t realise how sensitive we are, so we get hurt by stuff others don’t even notice, they can tell we’re edgy, so they get an odd vibe and don’t wanna let us too close, we’re afraid to be hurt so we keep them at arms length too, or we try too hard and dive on them, smother them, and scare them away…. we overanalyse the hell out of everything without realising we’re doing it, and it rapidly turns into a much more complicated mess than it should reasonably be….then we feel disheartened and give up… or try too hard in another way, meanwhile being incrediblys elf-critical, and telling ourselves negative stories about how useless we are-digging that emotional hole deeper… urgh.
do you think that deep down, it might be a self esteem thing for you? cos it sure as hell is and was for me. years of being told negative things about my personality/behaviour/ability (by my father, and by myself), of feeling like i was making big mistakes ettiquette-wise, etc….just conspired to create a nervous wreck who kept feeding herself more and more poisonous feelings and negative stories that she thought were true (that she was stupid, unloveable, destined for misery, a burden, yada yada). 
eventually i got myself some decent head drugs to help me be a bit less miserable, and a bit more realistic, and a bunch of therapy- and learned to like myself pretty well, to make more fair and decent assessments of situations and myself, and to *shock horror* trust my own judgment. i had to learn that i’m really no worse or better than anybody else- i’m just me, and i’m alright- and to not give myself hell all the time. it took a lot of work and effort, but i think thats the only way i could really get there- no shortcuts, no easy fixes, just a bunch of cognitive behavioural therapy, support from loved ones, and bloody hard slog. seriously worth it though.
the thing about give and take- probably the hardest thing that i had to learn, is that how i feel…. deep down, thats about me- i own that. how i perceive things, the value i put on myself and pride i feel in what i’ve done, etc- it’s on me. with practice, i can feel however i decide to feel- to reward myself and compliment myself and feel worth and respect and satisfaction and acheivement in what i do. happiness and kindness and acceptance and friendship are gifts i give myself, not things given to me by another- if i feel it, and they’re in the right place mentally, they’ll pick up on it and reflect it right back at me.
it’s sort of like how we take direction from an authority figure without questioning it- they feel and exude confidence and power, we assume thats what they should be getting, and they get it. it doesn’t matter deep down what others try and give me, if i can’t see it, i don’t think i deserve or own it, and it’s neither real or valid to me. i bet over the years i blocked out a million compliments, and missed a bunch of potential invites, cos i didn’t read things right- my mentality was off and all i saw was the stuff that was negative- it’s all i knew how to see, and was comfortable with seeing, cos it felt real, and true, and familiar. any time people made moves towards friendship i pushed them away subconsiously, cos i was afraid of the pressure, of screwing it up, of them realising i wasn’t as awesome as they somehow thought i was, of letting them in and being rejected, etc. becuase i was clearly mentally downtrodden, it was easy for people to tread on me without really seeing they were doing it, and for me to allow myself to get trodden on, etc.
i’m probably explaining it very badly (no sleep, long day) but i think we need to give and take by ourselves, for ourselves…. regardless of who else is or isn’t there, and of what they’re offering and receiving. we have to own that sense of reward, respect, approval, value, and fullfilledness- it’s not something we can go asking for and looking for and seek to be fed, cos it’s already in us- and it’s not something we should let people take, either- it’s ours.
have you got any professional support for how your feeling? i’m sure your fiance is awesomely supportive, but it’d be a gift to both of you if you could work on your self esteem with a qualified wonky feelings -fixer…..