if you can get a partial effect from a newer med- thats a great start- it’ll be easier to actively work on the other stuff, at least- some benefit is much better than none. if the older meds work but the side effects suck- go back to the doctor and see if there have been advances since you last tried them (cos there are, all the time!), and work with her to get the dosage as low as you can- so you’re still getting something from it, but so that the side effects are treatable and/or tollerable. find a middle ground.
the vast majority of problems don’t go away when you use meds -they haven’t made me stop swearing, or stopped me wanting to be rude to people- those things are influenced a lot by both my habits, and my environment. they just clear the fog a bit and let you tune into yourself a bit more, so that you can think half-way straight. so now i can say “right- this swearing and being rude- i need to work on it. i’m gonna pay more attention to my speech today- i might not be able to avoid screwing up just yet, but i’m gonna try and spot the mistakes as they happen, apologise, and fix them right away- i’m gonna change this pattern bit by bit- and soon i’ll start to catch myself *before* i screw up!”.
with meds i’m able to do that a little better- cos i’m not getting hypnotised by the texture of the wall or walking in circles trying to remember what i was doing and run around frantically catching up, quite as much as before. i can shake off a stupid idea a little easier, cos i’m not functioning like a headless chicken caught up in a whirlwind- i’m more like a chicken with half a brain and some heavy boots on, clumping about on a breezy day.
you’ve identified a lot of your problem areas already. you know that you get into trouble when you play video games in your break, right? there are easy ways to avoid that- either don’t take your PSP to work, or stick a note on the screen of your cellphone that says “no playing games at break time!”, plan to go for a walk around the block with a co-worker at lunch- put a little strategy in place to catch you before you slip up. i know its more fun to play games than it is to accept responsibility and resist your impulses, but its no fun being yelled at or getting fired either- remind yourself of that when your brain says ‘just one game! its not fair! i want to play!’. similarly, you know that you suck terribly in the mornings- so why the hell are you working that shift? get onto a different one! if you need to, get a job that is advertising for twilight or overnight shelf-stackers, that starts when you’re at your best- for me thats about 4 to 6pm until about 2am. if you can’t change that, then drink coffee or cola, put a rubber band or elasticated hairband on your wrist and snap it, give yourself an atomic wedgie, or do *something* else to give yourself a good shake awake when you start to notice that you’re getting sleepy.
i know how hard it is to feel like you keep running into brick walls, falling down, getting up, brushing yourself off, and having another go- but in many ways you’re responsible for choosing to keep running headfirst at the wall- instead of looking for a doorway, ladder, or way around it. that is understandable, cos patterns are hard to break- but unless you want to be exactly where you are now in a years time- only with more grazes on your head and knees, and a few concussions under your belt- you need to sit down and realistically look at not just what you *can’t* do (like make the wall vanish), but more importantly what you *CAN* do (like get support, try new strategies, build on your strengths, find a level of meds that gives you a bit of an edge, etc).REPORT ABUSE