Re: “If you were ready to change then you would…”

[Anonymous]

Hi there … interesting topic, change, personal growth. This is a subject near and dear to me for so many reasons. I do not profess to have any answers to peoples dilemmas and or their need or desire to change themselves or maybe change…. others???

I can share my observations and personal experience….. limited as they may be, if there is something here you can use….. please feel free….. if not that’s cool to.

I have spent the greater part of my adult life in change. It started when I was approximately 30-ish and continues today at 60-ish. Here is what I understand to be true ( for me… and for me only ).

1. My life was off the rails, I needed change.

2. I could change only because I wanted to!!!

3. I could change only what I was ready to change!!!

4. I could not identify my issues without a great guide…….. I could identify my path only with a great guide.

5. I did not have the skills innate or otherwise to facilitate the changes on my own!!!

6. I would have to put everything I have ever held to be true on the table …….. I mean everything……. I would have to let it all go, in order to get anything of real meaning back!!!! This is the most enormous leap of faith!!!! I can honestly attest …it was the most frightening thing I have ever done….EVER!!!!

Making real substantive deep, lasting change was going to be very very DIFFICULT ……. even if I really wanted to!!!! It proved to be one of the most challenging things I have ever done….. and it not only took years…….. it never ends….still changing to day!!!!

Looking at my unhappiness, trauma, discontent ( whatever you want to call it ) did not involve looking out and around, it did not involve looking at my boss, my partner, my job, or any other extrinsic element in my life. It involved looking at the man in the mirror. Sure I’m a right brain, visionary random thinking person ( you may call it ADD )……..that is a fact, a given as it were. I have found that “facts” seldom are the cause of unhappiness, trauma, discontent or anything else that eats away at me. I find that what I do with them, how I process them, or to what degree I internalize or do not internalize, or my ability to let them go….. that determines how those things affect me and my life. It seemed to boil down to me!!!!

Example: My boss doesn’t like me, my partner is angry at me, so and so thinks I’m an asshole, the telephone company is going to shut off my phone for none payment!!!………hmmmmmm.

1. It would be nice if my boss liked me (I guess) but so what….. nothing to do with me….. lots of people don’t like lots of people. I treat my boss with respect and courteously and I do a good job…… not my issue, they are just my boss!!!

2. My partner is angry….hmmmmm, did I do something wrong, can I right it, did I apologize. Maybe she is having a bad day?? Did I check-in and see what it is about??? If there is nothing for me there…… I’m ok with that, everybody has a bad bout from time to time, I can let her have that……. no problem.

3. As for being an asshole……..was I ?? Did I deserve it……did I make amends? Maybe they just think I’m an asshole….. so what…. I know who I am and I’m comfy with that…. after all they appear to be the one with the issue not me….. I cannot own their opinion.

4. Shut off my phone…… oh shit .(hahahhaha)….better get down there right now and make that payment……. that I can deal with but… I can live with that too…… I make mistakes….. I forget from time to time….. I’m not perfect, and I’m ok that I do that. A mistake or any action I take of that type…does not define me, other things do!!!!

I have learned what is important to me, deep down morally important to my soul……. a critical learning for me…. a key element. Everything can’t be morally important….. I couldn’t deal with that. Easy to say…hard to do.

More important is, what is NOT important to me, again morally important… and why. Where did this “important”criteria come from, is it mine, or is it what somebody has told me all my life, it should be. I found under close scrutiny… many things I thought were of critical moral importance to me, actually I did not give a “shit” about…. what a weight off my shoulders that was.

In conclusion….. I did not do this alone ( I don’t know anybody who did). I could maybe….just maybe… succeed in my perceptual examination, and changing my inner belief structure change over time, if and only if…I was diligent, brave and driven……………….. and it would/has and is, encompassing the rest of my life!!!!!

Not for the faint of heart for sure…..but……. I would encourage all or any to try….

just some ramblings……..

toofat

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