Re: Mild ADD? Or Midlife Crisis? Wondering/Obsessing, and in Need of a Pep Talk

[quizzical]

Thanks so much, everyone, for the words of wisdom & encouragement! I’m so glad I got up the courage to post here!

Groucho Marx, eh? That must make life pretty interesting.

I find that my general pace of life tends to be on the slow side, which is one reason I’ve doubted my initial reaction: I’m not really hyperactive in thought OR deed. Sure, my thoughts wander – sometimes far, far away – I’m what you might call a “ruminator” – but it’s not like I go around bursting with a thousand ideas all day long. Actually, that would be kind of nice. But, again, maybe this is the women – vs. – men thing. Or the inattentive – vs – hyperactive thing.

I was actually quite nervous all day after I posted: “Will anyone reply? Is my message too long? Do I sound like a whiner? Did I get enough pertinent info in there?” I seem to remember reading somewhere that ADD can make people very self-critical. That one certainly is me.

In fact, that’s the one that has me going in circles the most, the self-criticism: I think my family is not intending to dismiss my fears, but rather telling me not to be so hard on myself: “You SAY you’re screwing up, but you’re not; cut yourself a break, you’re doing fine.”

To be truthful, if it turns out I have it, there’s a certain person in my family who I’m going to suggest get tested as well. In fact, I can just picture HIM having it and ME turning out not to.

And I am doing fine, mostly. I just wonder if other folks sit around wondering if there are “concentration exercises” they could do. I get tired of having to reschedule stuff because I didn’t have all the dates written properly on the calendar. And going around all day wondering “what am I forgetting?” Or having my husband call me from the orthodontist’s office saying “Where are you?” No, it doesn’t happen every day, or even every week. Although the confirmation calls are sometimes the only thing that save me: “”Um – yeah! Sure! I’ll be there! Bye!” *click* *scribble, scribble* But, yeah, I’d say once a month there’s a complete calendar goof that requires an apology to somebody. How often is often?

I’m definitely a step closer to taking some action on this after reading all your posts. Because it’s true, I’ve got nothing to lose, as long as my insurance covers the exam, which it should. I guess. Ask my husband……

Which was another sort of red flag for me: The answer to everything is “Ask my husband/Ask your father!” One reason I don’t struggle more is that he handles EVERYTHING. The bills, the finances, the mail, helping the kids with homework, most of the major decisions. For example, when I open the mail I tend to save it all in little piles, Pending Further Action. I love to watch him take a giant stack of stuff and, with no more than a quick glance, toss 95% of it straight into the recycling bin. It’s so impressive!

More than one of the replies asked if I’d had this all my life. I’d have to say yes, although the manifestations tend to change. As a kid I just daydreamed and doodled like CRAZY. Then I got self-conscious about it – especially the doodles – and tried to stop, but only partially succeeded. High school and college was constant procrastination. I think nearly every college paper I wrote involved an all-nighter the night before it was due. As for What I Want to Be When I Grow Up, I’m 45 and still working on that one. I have a couple of part-time things I do these days, but mostly I’m the At-Home Mom.

One of the ongoing sagas over the past couple of months has been The Quest for Hard Evidence, born out of some need to justify (to myself? To my family?) why I reacted so strongly to that quiz in the first place. So I’ve been going through the school papers and so forth. For some reason most of the report cards are missing; perhaps my parents have them. In short, I’ve turned up several nuggets but little else. A couple of old notebooks covered with doodles. A warning notice from 7th grade math with the comment “She seems to be in another world much of the time.” An essay where I complain about losing a lot of pens. A note from a teaching assistant about my lab notebook: “You must get this organized!” But for the most part it’s just a lot of “She is a quiet, hard worker and a good student” sort of stuff. Really, I could go on all day about the various “evidence”, both for and against, I’ve come up with over the last few weeks….

I guess it really is time to take it to a pro.

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