i don’t think the secret button is behind your ear, dude.
i guess no relationship really works- professional, family, doctor-patient, etc- if there aren’t clear – perhaps unspoken but definately understood- boundaries, and expectations, and needs are met- plus you can talk about it honestly and openly, and respect the other person even when you disagree.
at work you know what you’re meant to do, and whats not ok, and that they better pay you and give you a little respect/appreciation/positive feedback, or it’s gonna fall apart. same with family- you know that calling your mum a name you might call a mate in the pub wouldn’t go down well at all, that you can’t snog her- but a hug is good- that you’ll listen and support each other, etc, yeah? boundaries, expectations, needs, communication, respect. yada yada..
thinking about friends who have been in open relationships (cos honestly, i’m WAY too selfish, demanding, and generally challenging myself- i struggle with one partner- never mind adding in all sorts of good or bad complications) the main problem i’ve seen them struggle with, unsuprisingly, is those -boundaries, expectations, needs, respect and communication.
if you’ve got all of those down, and everybody is confident and happy with the group dynamic and where they fit into it, i can see how an open relationship could thrive. but if they aint … its destined to fail as much as a 2 person relationship of any kind is.
so i’m incredibly nosey and unsubtle- what makes you ‘not so good in the relationship dept? is it stuff that you could work on- with a therapist, or just using good old fashioned self-awareness and practice? is it about control, trust, emotional intimacy, and self-esteem? cos i reckon it usually is. it bloody well is with me, anyway!
is she maybe a little keen to keep an emotional distance cos of her own ‘relationship dept’ issues?
i doubt that the button is the perfect solution, (and the only button i’ve ever seen used is alcohol- and that didn’t work well long term cos the thinking just got really bloody dire and the relationship completely unmanagable) but i bet there are quite a lot of ways you could work on the inevitable bumps and brickwalls you’re gnna hit in this- and any other- relationship.
*hugs* btw. this must be hard- us women are incredibly complicated creatures- just like you men.REPORT ABUSE