Re: Relieved to get husband's diagnosis – but now I'm angry!?

[Anonymous]

I’m still in the assessment stage (waiting for the feedback appointment) but my husband self-diagnosed himself some years ago, even got meds prescribed but doesn’t take them and won’t do anything to help around the house unless I totally get crazy and have a major yelling match.

I read ADHD and it’s Effects on Marriage by Melissa Orlov and it opened my eyes wide to the reasons why that didn’t work. I didn’t feel guilty about it but I did start changing my response to him.

I do feel as though he regards ME as the problem though, and last week when I finally couldn’t take it any longer and had another screaming fit, he agreed to talk to his doctor about getting a proper assessment and actually made the doctor’s appointment the next day. Major step forward.

The thing I have been getting from reading various books is that meds are not the answer, they are only part of the solution. So asking your husband to be more aware of what’s going on, how it’s affecting you, how you can work together until he gets his meds in order might be a very useful exercise for you both.

I try to let my husband know how things he does affects me, how for example, when he peppers me with questions it makes my brain shut down since it’s overloaded and I feel very stressed out. He lets me tell him when he’s given me enough info, lets me absorb it, and I get to tell him when to continue. It’s a very simple example, but you might try approaching the situation in a similar way, both of you working together on the issues.

When he takes his meds, he is much better to deal with, he remembers to do things I’ve asked without me asking him. He is more productive, sleeps less, etc. But when he doesn’t, well …. last week he burnt a pot of soup because he turned the element on high instead of low, the day before he forgot to turn the element off and that’s been a problem in the past because we’ve melted several expensive pots that were left on the element. So there’s hope for meds helping in some ways, just not a solution for everything.

REPORT ABUSE