Re: Running out of options

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel, I see add as this big demonic monster full of anger and hatred and rage – maybe creativity and a higher iq are ‘gifts’ of adhd, but I am beginning to think id rather be dull and a bit stupider if i meant no more adhd. It’s got to be the most frustrating, soul destroying condition…… I think the worst part of it isnt the fact i cant seem to manage the simplest thing without losing whatever it is i need, many times, banging my arms, legs, head, etc, and ending up feeling as though getting up 1 or 2 hours earlier to try and be at work on time still doesn’t equal defeat of the nasty adhd demon life destroying beast

all that sucks

But what is really frustrating and maybe unique to adhd? is that NO ONE without it can ever understand even a little, what its like. The most frustrating thing I find is people who know i have adhd, and claim to understand (while I know they don’t) and then make a comment that basically equates to :Yes I understand and accept your adhd. and that’s fine with me, I accept your adhd limitations 100%. I’m cool with it completely. However there is a little thing or two that I really need to tell you, you MUST do from now on (then proceeds to demand that you do all the things that adhd can make almost impossible).

Its frustrating because we dont have a wheelchair, or any other obvious sign of a disability, but in some ways we totally have a disability. In fact, no offence intended to anyone in a wheelchair – but I am sure there are probably wheelchair bound people out there who consistently get out of bed and ready for work and are out the door in a time I can never achieve even when I am almost killing myself to do so……..

and the frustration of the social aspects – again, people say ‘ i understand and care’ and then follow that by saying how they can’t deal with the way you don’t appear to listen, or talk over them,etc. Its like – hey its ok to have adhd, just don’t have any of the symptoms of it

To me it sometimes feels that the usual reaction to adhd from non adhd’ers is in effect (again no offence intended to anyone in a wheelchair) the same as saying to someone in a wheelchair – hey im cool with you being in a wheelchair – no worries, however I feel really insulted by your constant refusal to walk on your own two legs……. In other words i am ok with your disability, as long as you can miraculously not have it when you are around me….. It feels like no matter what i say or friends/family read, etc, they simply cant ever grasp – cant really believe that stuff that for them is a choice – such as how they talk to others, – is not a choice for adders. Even though logically they know its a symptom and if we really could just not do it any more then there would not be any such thing as adhd – they still in some core part of themselves feel it is a choice and become offended, and angry at an add person as though the add person intentionally and knowingly choose to do adhd things – – and that they could have easily not done them .

or that when we have lost our car keys and it takes 20 min to find them then we are 15 mins late

that we could actually have somehow started our car without the keys if we had really wanted to, or respected that person enough….(and they aren’t implying we hot wire our cars)

It sometimes just feels as though no matter what i do it is simply impossible to be early enough, polite enough by following some social rules no one will explain to me, or correct enough (when producing a piece of work where the requirements are 20% stated verbally and 80% ‘well you should have realized i meant that’

It’s all just SOOO frustrating and worst of all – there is no physical person or adhd monster that you can hold responsible, and take a swing at. Instead you either bottle it in till you poison yourself, psychologically speaking, or, in my case, end up throwing something – then having to buy another one cos I broke it

i HATE HATE HATE adhd with a vengeance

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