Re: Successful ADDers annoy the h*ll out of me.

[sdwa]

@DubRod…

Who said ADHD was an excuse? I don’t feel like ADHD is an “excuse” for me, because I didn’t know I had it until I was 45. It was a relief to find out and have an explanation for why things are so difficult. I’m not sure anyone on this thread is saying it is an excuse, but rather are expressing the frustration of trying so hard to get through the day and not being able to do that effectively. Some people do seem to like to wear their problems like a badge, but I’d guess that’s just a way of trying to build self-acceptance, and to acknowledge one’s own perseverance and courage which generally no one else is going to recognize…so I don’t knock it. And I don’t take it personally.

The question comes down, in part, to what people value. If I’d valued the pursuit of money above all else, I could probably have made that work. But I don’t. That said, I can understand the deep feelings of frustration many experience at not knowing what to do or how to do it. When I was younger I could never figure out how people got into various careers. It didn’t make sense to me, partly because I had to be interested in what I was doing in order to be able to invest in it emotionally, mentally, or physically, and more significantly because I needed a “big picture” understanding of all the little things I needed to do in order to know how those small steps fit into the larger scheme. Those sort of old “dad” messages about hard work paying off are fine if you want to be a salesman or a banker or a lawyer or an executive, but if what you want is to be an artist, they are not that relevant.

I think if I were clear in my mind and had confidence in my abilities – if I understood what I’m best at and what I care most about – I could find a way to translate that into, if not a meaningful stream of income, at least a way to solidify my sense of self, self-respect, or self-acceptance. I want to know who I am and be who I am, rather than trying to shoe-horn myself into roles that don’t fit me – before I try to become a commodity. These things can’t be pasted on from the outside.

Everyone needs a personal “mission” – a reason for being, a purpose. Everyone needs a sense of personal agency – to know that they can control their own choices – and for a lot of folks with ADHD, that is a challenge. They want to get organized but can’t. They want to complete their to-do lists and pay their bills and show up on time…but they can’t…because they don’t have the skills – and NOT because they don’t have the will. People with ADHD are tough, they bounce back despite the hardest fights. If there were an “A” for effort in life, everyone with ADHD would get an “A+”. It is those unseen efforts, unmeasurable successes that I admire. I would never underestimate the will or desire of someone with ADHD. Nobody here is lazy or indifferent. I don’t buy that.

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