Re: Waking up in the morning

[ashockley55]

I am the same way. The distance between when I “wake up” and when I “get up” is a span of two hours, sometimes more on my days off.

I also let my obligations go, such as getting up and feeding my dog.

I get up at the last minute to get myself ready for work and go. For this reason, if something happens to throw me off, like it did the other day when I spilled some food all over the only uniform I had clean to wear to work that day, then I am really put in a bind. I go into a angry, irritable frenzy and end up having to call work and tell them I will be late.

I just can’t get up.

It’s part real fatigue, but more so just not wanting to get up and attend to the obligations of the day. I can’t tear myself away from my daydreams. My daydreams and fantasies are so nice, and require so little, that I’d much rather just lay there and have those instead of get up and attend to the things that for me are so, so hard, but seem to be just an easy, automatic matter of course for others.

I fantasize about sex, I fantasize and daydream about success, about being important, and loved, and adored. I fantasize about being desired. I fantasize about being a successful writer, poet. I daydream about doing all these incredible things.

Maybe if I actually got up and got to doing things, I could become everything I fantasize about.

But when I get up to do things, there’s all these daily chores to attend to. And just doing those wear me out.

I don’t have any time or energy (physical, mental or otherwise) to be awesome.

If I can’t even muster the willpower to get out of bed, to change the litter box, to vacuum, to keep the kitchen clean, to wipe down the bathroom, to go grocery shopping, to manage a meal plan and cook for myself, to complete my reading and assignments on time…….how can I ever become a sexy, trim, accomplished, well-traveled, charismatic, engaged, productive writer, teacher and lover on top of all that????????

Feel hopeless.

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