Re: What it's like to be married to/cohabiting with an ADDer

[Wgreen]

MissMuffins, thanks for that.

To those who may have just happened on this string, it’s a “companion string” to another about “ADD superpowers.” Many ADDers believe that the same neurological chemistry that causes them to lose their keys, live in a rat’s nest, and suffer from numerous impulsive behaviors also conveys certain personality “gifts,” perhaps most notably a knack for highly creative thinking.

ADD experts are divided on this issue. Dr. Ned Hallowell, for example, believes that ADD—when treated—can be a net positive. Others, most notably Dr. Russell Barkley, maintains that ADD is a serious disorder with no proven upside whatsoever. While Barkley concedes that ADDers often are very talented, he asserts those talents exist independently from Attention Deficit.

In a recent video, Barkley talks about a longitudinal (long-term) study on ADD that he and several colleagues conducted in Wisconsin. In that presentation, he makes an interesting comment: he says that perceptions of ADD and its impact vary greatly between people who actually have it and those who have to live with them. Ask an ADDer how Attention Deficit affects his/her life and you’ll get one answer. Ask a parent or spouse and you’ll often get an ENTIRELY different answer. MissMuffins’ situation sounds like it could be a case in point.

Accordingly, it seems appropriate that if we’re going to entertain theories of ADD gifts, we should at least ask for second informed opinions. It should be instructive, even though it obviously won’t shed light on any secret (mis)behaviors that may be lurking beyond the gaze of a spouse. Of course, for this to work, we need to hear from ADDers as well as their significant others—they need to be matched up. Anybody game? And no cheating!!

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