Re: What was the 1st clue?

[Outoftune]

The first clue was when thinking I was dislexic started learning about learning disabilities and instead of checking off the dyslexia list checked off everysingle one of the ADD (non hyperactive) list without realizing. Scrolled up to the top and realized HOLY CRAP WOMAN that EXPLAINS YOU!!!! And all the assumptions people and yourself have made about you! Lazy, careless, clumsy, too sensitive, flakey, spacy, not living up to my potential, “Flappy birdy” just needing to calm down, just needing to focus, just needing to try harder, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, etc…

The truth is that growing up I was completely UNEDUCATED about ADD and just assumed all those things about me were personality flaws. I (like everyone I know) assumed that ADD was ADHD and my only expereince with that were the loud disruptive boys in my classes that would be running around like mad men turning over chairs and yelling for ‘no aparent reason’. Never would I have imagined myself in that category nor anyone around me which is why I never got diagnosed and suffered my entire youth and University years truly believing that I had enherited all the bad qualities of my sociopathic/alchoholic/abusive father. My mother assumed that because I, like him, appeared careless, and not willing to help/lazy, and verbally impulsive and cutting her off when speaking that this was attributed to me inheriting his evil genes. For some reason I believed this also even though I consistently demonstrated a natural stong sense of empathy, contrightness and compasion. Something that he lacks any trace of.

It was extrememly damaging to my sense of self to believe that I was like him for so many years. Fortunately God sent me my wonderful husband who has shown me what a warm, caring, thoughtful, loving, empathetic, compassionate person I truly am. It has taken years to unravel the false self image that envelops me and it’s still a work in progress.

I have to thank this site and EVERY PERSON dedicated to EDUCATING people about ADD!!! With out education I would still be in that same aweful sad place I was in mentally, emmotionally and even soulfully. There is not much worse in this life that to be made to doubt the pureness of your soul.

Currently I am struggling with her and others telling me not to ‘lablel’ myself. I fail to understand how having been born with a lower than normal production of dopamine the the brain that is a treatable condition could be considered by society as somehow WORSE than what I had thought about myself for my entire life!

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