Reply To: ADHD and Intimacy

[gianmaria]

I feel you. I really do, even if my experience is different.
I’m 33 and have been married for 6 years.
Having 3 kids of course reduced by default the moments my wife and I have to be intimate.
But what’s really missing is complicity.
We are like two instruments playing in two very different keys. More than lamenting the lack of cuddles or “us time” (horrible definition that reminds me of Orwell’s “newspeak”) she is frustrated by not feeling understood. She pointed out time and again that she cannot have a conversation with me, that we don’t “get” each other.

And while for me having sex may be a way to rekindle our intimacy, to her it’s exactly the opposite: she needs to feel intimate already in order to have sex.

I really have no advice. I may actually need some. But just as I write I realize that even just talking about this with her as I’m doing here may be a start.
Sometimes that is difficult too: my wife feels uncomfortable with “let’s talk” routines, she feels they are forced, but at least it puts things out there. Most of the uneasiness comes from not knowing what’s going through each other’s minds.
And as often recommended on the site, try to not lose your sense of humor.
Romantic relationships, marriage and sex have been a source for comedy material since ancient times. You may as well try to poke fun at yourself or at the situation. It helps making the problems less scary to talk about.

I hope I do not come across too unrespectful.

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