Reply To: ADHD and Intimacy

[srinat]

I’m currently working with my BF to discuss how we communicate.  He says he’s “telling me” things and I have to keep clarifying that I need words.  I can’t function on gestures and sighs and meaningful glances.  We’ve tried to have some discussions around what kind of things we like to do to show love and what kinds of things we need in order to feel loved.

For me, saying “do you want to have sex” is easier than trying to figure anything else out.  I can’t flirt or read body language.  I find it much easier to have a verbal advance rebutted (“Not right now”, “I have other things on my mind”, “I’m not in the mood” etc.).  When I try to be physical and the other person isn’t interested I can’t pick up those cues until they’re really strong and then I feel completely worthless and rejected.

So yeah, in case that’s helpful, explicit verbal communication is the only thing that works for me.

Funny story:  With a friend of mine that I used to date, the first time I was over at his house I was interested in starting something but I didn’t know how.  I just started talking a lot about everything and walking around his apartment pointing out neat things and he followed me.  Then when I couldn’t figure it out anymore I said “you look like you want to kiss me” and he did.  The funny thing was that I was really surprised because I actually was just expecting him to answer with words.

Also though, he found my habit of blurting out strange and funny things when we were in the middle of being intimate both frustrating as it killed the mood for him and hilarious.

REPORT ABUSE