The Forums › Forums › Most X-treme! › Most Hostile/Ignorant Thing I've Heard › "ADHD is a choice" › Reply To: "ADHD is a choice"
Oh, @Marcelyne, this is such a painful situation. I understand your reluctance to reveal your diagnosis to your fiance.
I hate to be so blunt, but you are setting yourself for a world of trouble if you go much deeper into this relationship without reaching a place of understanding with your fiance. I’ve been married for almost 25 years, I’m a stepmother, have an ADHD son and have ADHD myself, so I know what you and your fiance are walking into.
So before you do talk to your fiance, prepare yourself. You mention you are new to a diagnosis. Are you starting therapy yourself? Is your son in a therapist’s care?
In an ideal world, someone your fiance respects who understands ADHD could explain it properly to him. If you and/or your son are therapy, it’s likely the therapist would be willing to bring in your fiance for a session. In fact, as your fiance integrates in your life, it will be imperative that he understands the ramifications of ADHD. If not a therapist then, perhaps a member of the clergy or a knowledgeable friend, as long as that person really understands ADHD.
But, of course, we don’t live an ideal world, so I’m going to suggest some resources. I’m sure others will jump in. You know your fiance better than we do, of course (duh). Reviewing these resources first yourself will enable you to become more comfortable expressing yourself knowledgeably about ADHD. Then you can decide what to share with him to begin helping him understand ADHD.
The videos right here on http://www.TotallyADD.com are outstanding, both the humorous and the serious professional ones. The funny ones can be great for being non-threatening yet informative. For the serious ones, I’m especially fond of those with Dr. Jain, but they are all good. Sometimes watching a video gets the job done better than a lot of reading. Also, Dr. Ed Hallowell has some excellent videos on YouTube.
In addition to the book @Amy recommends (“It It You Me, or Adult ADD?” by Gina Pera), Dr. Ed Hallowell has several excellent books about various aspects of ADHD in adults and for parenting. I particularly like Dr. Hallowell’s “Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood Through Adulthood.” Dr. Hallowell’s website also has a lot of useful information as well.
I’ve known people whose views have gone from scoffing to understanding, though it doesn’t usually happen overnight. This may be hard for you to face with your fiance, but it will be worth it in the long run.
REPORT ABUSE