Reply To: Cross-Train Your Brain – Free

[Robbo]

It’s been a while since I wrote a book. Here’s some mud in yer eye gang 🙂

This post is my greatest achievement in 2013. A marvel of ADHD victoreeeee!.

Thanks a bunch shutterbug, that’s some excellent homework you’ve done. I can see your point and I agree that ADHD ain’t because we bumped our head one too many times. I have ADHD, and have to accept that a certain amount of my struggle cannot be fixed through the hard work that people with bain injuries or stroke can hope for with neuroplasticity. (this was a hard sentence to put together) It’s a tricky balance for me because I never will get to know how much of my struggles are just ADHD and how much of them are due to an accident so many years ago. Two different issues. Two different kinds of recovery. But not really. A big annoying “yeah butt”. We don’t actually “recover” from ADHD, but we do recover from living a painful life with it. There might be more hope with a brain injury. Who knows?. Dang what a mess.

I had a very productive therapy session today. I’ve missed many sessions over the holidays due to my own failing mental n physical health. And the physical health struggles of my therapist. Very fortunately for me is the fact that she’s very much an expert on ADHD. She’s got it too. Real bad!. lol. But that’s good! because she’s deep into recovering from a life with it, as well as being deep into recovering from an auto accident similar to the one I’ve had. She seems too good to be true. I was tripping on that today. Freaked out because there’s so much about this lady that seems too good to be true in my vision. I have a strange tendency to make things much more dramatic than they actually are. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this about me, but let me tell ya. It’s true. 🙂 I need to take a break n laugh about this brain I’ve got hanging out between my ears. BRB.

okay, heeer we go.

I think I wanted more hope about leaving this ADD business behind me like a person recovering from a brain injury might be able to do. You haven’t smashed my hope, so don’t trip on that man. Fortunately you’re giving me this info after about 17 months of focusing on mostly just the ADHD. I was never really sure about the extent of my head injury, and still don’t get to know. For all I know I’ve been using that accident as an excuse since the psychiatrist told me the true definition of a brain injury in 2010. I’ve been saying I don’t remember the first 10 days after an accident for so long that I feel like it’s written in stone. The truth is that it’s my best guess, I got crap health care considering what’s possible and what I actually got. But then I think about how folks had to deal with injuries 30 or so years before me. What a mess!!!, I won’t beat me up. But I feel like I got ta be honest n find some kind of happy middle ground here. I’m very sure the guess I have about the extent of my brain injury is close.  But I simply don’t get to know. So I live with that. We all live with uncertainty. I know that I’ve never been able to write this much as clearly as I am tonight. So maybe it just doesn’t matter. Yep, it don’t matter. I think. lol.

I’ll think more in the future about playing this neuroplasticity card in the ADHD card game. For me, and that’s the key. In my case, brain injury just might be some factor. It ain’t the case with typical plain ol ADHD. Not that there is such a thing as “plain ol ADHD” huh?. I bet you understand where I’m coming from.

This ain’t fun. This is truly uncomfortable. You and I are part of a very important community and I feel like we’re doing a good job of talking. It’s a feat of immeasurable greatness for all of us to get along so well in this support group of a web site. It’s practically famous in the figurative sense how well we all get along here. I’ve only participated in one other forum like this one. It was a veritable hot bed of character assassination, flame wars, disagreement, and mal-communication.

We simply rock here. And I have to say that my ability to write has flowered like a darn bird of paradise bush. Huh? (don’t mind if I do say so)

Dude!, I respect you a lot and I’m super grateful for your service here and over seas. It’s also true that you got a right to disagree with stuff I say. In this case it’s more like you’re just correcting me, or more accurately, helping me to see the truth a llittle bit clearer. That’s help, I’d pay you but I doubt you would accept anything other than a thank you kindly sir. I remember when you shared about your daughter flying those massive airplanes across the world. That’s real cool man! 🙂 More recently I’ve got some new hope and see some real light out in the future in regards to my relationship with the offspring. The offsprings doing great, she’s got a job she’s happy with. She hasn’t kicked me out of her life. I got no complaints. I sent her a text a few days ago that went something like this

(I saved it)

“I sure do love you a lot kid doe, my lil deer (with spots all over you like Bambi) how cute huh?”

She didn’t reply, but as I was telling my therapist today. (and showed her the saved text still in my phones outbox) The kid’s got a very dry sense of humor. I could easisly see her trying to keep a straight face in my minds eye. ***grins proudly***

The time we communicated before that was another very short text message exchange. Mine to her just said

“Send me your new address or I won’t love you any more”

she sent me her address only!. Not even a dang smiley!. no “lol”. NOTHING. The lil brat expects my imagination to picture her straight face glaring at me as she struggles to keep that grin off it. lol. I’m an old fart now and get to write “lol”, starbucks calls my coffee “old school” so when I went through the drive through today, something my anti-capitalist brain can’t believe I did. I gave them some new adjectives (I’m guessing at the definition of an adjective, I ain’t no termite)

“Don’t call me old school”

I never go to starbitches. But the pastor at one of the churches I go to made me meet him for coffee last week at one of those little rip off houses. I complained about the ridiculous $4.25 for a cup of joe today. fortunately I discovered earlier this week that coffee mellows me out like freakin magic. I forgot all about that, that ain’t cuz I got hit in the noogin, huh?. I can hear an echo in my head from the psychiatrist back in 2010 telling me “if coffee helps ritalin will really help”. Today I found out from my therapist that since she has a masters degree she can make recommendations about my medication!.  A revelation of magnanimous proportion indeed. I’ve been nursing that cup of joe for over 5 hours. I mix a lot of milk into the remaining coffee cuz I need the protein to smooth out the calming effect of the caffeine. Kinda like the methyphenidate I used to take last year. After talking with my counselor today, I’m okay with taking the generic ritalin once again. I’ve got much better guidence on exactly how to take it. I felt kinda hopeless and out on my own alone last year. That’s part of why I quit taking the generic ritalin. The main reason is the way it mellows out my clowning around. Well heck, now I see that I simply need to become friends with the idea of growing up a lil.

I’m okay with that.

Anyways, I think I’ve got it straight. For me brain injury may or may not be an issue. The distinction is that the brain injury issue will go away eventually. The ADHD monster stays… Well that’s just the shits huh?.

Yep.

The shits. It’s kindof a cute monster though. Some. A lil bit. Actually I like it a lot sometimes.

Thanks a bunch.

Drive to the next window…

PS The thing about my offspring is that she’s got this great sense of humor. When she started going to University (It’s so hard not to write “the University”, I just don’t understand English) but I’ll just trust the way you guys use this language for now. Later maybe I’ll try school. mebby not.

So kiddo started calling me “Dad Yo” when she went off the college and the communication switched to email “books” (that’s what the lil brat called my emails to her) and notes scribbled n scratched on random pieces of paper to try n show her how to reduce re-use n recycle by example. That’s when she started callen me “day yo”. We just ran with it from there. We’re the clown family. Every neighborhood’s got them. I bet they’re all ADDers.

Thanks please drive through.

PPS, it just freaking blows my mind how well plain ol caffeine works. Reminds me of how the methylphenidate used to work. I just don’t get to clown around as much. This way I’m more like a sane person though. Not sure I’m ready for that. But the world needs me to be seemingly sane huh?. I’m less frightening this way. The childlike properties of my mental apparatus are beckoning me to never drink that evil liquid again… I’ll do like my lady doctor said today at therapy. Just use the junk when I need to write something important. Or something about functioning better. I forget.

She’ll remind me. That’s real cool huh?

 

 

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