The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › I'm Sad › Dating sites for people with disorders? › Reply To: Dating sites for people with disorders?
I would be hesitant to use a dating site that is specifically for people with disorders. Those of us with ADHD have more challenges than a lot of other people do,and we do tend to be misunderstood. I get that. I also understand the need to be around people that share the same issues. It isn’t always enough to have friends that understand you as a person because they don’t have the same struggles and are guessing what we feel like at best.
I wish there were sites geared towards meeting friends with ADHD. The existing support groups in my area are geared towards parents of kids with ADHD. I have gone onto meetup.com because that is usually a good place to meet other like minded individuals but there is also nothing in my area.
When it comes to the dating sites (I have been on match.com, okcupid and plenty of fish in the past 4 yrs) I have found some interesting differences and may be able to provide some insight.
First of all, I stayed the hell away from anyone whose profile mentioned any disorder prominently. There are ways to fit that in, if you want. I just described myself. I am more than my disorder and I try not to announce it as my identity. It’s pretty apparent once you are around me, but dating is kinda risky that way. Your date likes you or they don’t. I don’t want to date someone that thinks their disorder is their identity.
It is different in every place I’m sure (I lived in another state and match.com was ok- it sucks where I live now). The best insight I can give into the sites is this. On okcupid I met guys who shared interests that were so similar to mine that they gave me chills, in a good way. 2 of my best friends in the world were dates from there. One I dated for a while and then stayed friends. The other I didn’t date for long because he was so much like me that I wanted to be his friend for a really long time, but he has a drinking problem and I didn’t want to get sucked into an unhealthy dynamic. His adhd is not treated.We have lunch at least once a week,and I go to his place when I want to relax and be in someone elses clutter. Most people that I know who have been on okcupid also found it great for meeting people that were a great match for hanging out, but not necessarily dating. The questions they ask match interests but not so much romantically.
I met my boyfriend on plenty of fish. It wasn’t on purpose, a friend didn’t get the concept so I set up a profile to show her how it worked. I was going to shut it down but there was one guy who emailed me who I figured I would go out with once before I stopped. I had gotten a cat and decided to be a crazy cat lady and stop trying to meet the right guy for a while. He ended up being my guy. Been together 2 yrs this month, moved in together a year ago. He has ADHD. Neither of us mentioned it in our profiles. It just worked out that way.
I suggest ok cupid for meeting people who will understand you, and yes, meeting consists of dates but the results are friends, which anyone can use more of, if they are the good kind….
Last part. Do NOT mention any personality disorders in your profile. Huge red flag. Be positive about your good qualities and clear about what type of person you want to be with. Keep an open mind. And never, ever tell them where you live. There are people out there that you either like enough that you’ll want to clean your place before they see it, or who are so creepy that you don’t want them showing up, ever.