Reply To: Finally moving forward!

[sdwa]

For what it’s worth, Gardener….

I got my diagnosis at 45, after decades of struggling with depression and being on anti-depressants. After I found out, I got coaching for about 9 months (expensive) and then participated in an ongoing, small support group of 8-10 people for a year +  (also expensive). It was illuminating to hear the stories of others.

People who don’t have ADD don’t understand. I don’t talk to anyone about it for that reason. It’s nobody’s business, they can’t help, and there won’t be any validation from outside.

I appreciate your frustration with regard to finding an informed doctor or therapist. Before I knew what I was dealing with, I tried to fix the problem, but nothing helped. A lot of my efforts made it worse, because I didn’t know what I was trying to fix. Things got so bad that I finally cursed the heavens and said, hey Universe, put up or shut up, cuz I ain’t doin’ this any more. But it was pure chance that I stumbled upon a psychiatrist with a clue. Having a child with ADHD gave me my first inkling.

Last night I sat down and read, cover to cover, the “ADD Stole My Car Keys” book written by Dr. Jain and Rick Green. It was amazing. Almost every story was relatable. It hit me again just how serious this thing is, how it’s shaped my entire life. I’m the “inattentive” type. Quiet in person. Introverted. Space cadet. Think too much. Physically uncoordinated. Hypersensitive to noise, light, movement. Living on a heap of junk. Etc.

I don’t know why, but I seem to need to be reminded of how “real” it is over and over. I keep expecting myself to be able to do things differently. I keep expecting to be able to manage it using methods that didn’t work the first hundred, thousand, or ten thousand times. Like that definition of insanity – when you do the same thing over and over and expect a different result? Or as someone else put it, this time you tried again, only wearing a hat?

“Strategies” are probably unique to the individual. What you respond to, what gets you going, what you notice.

Right now I’m thinking about what they said about building habits, doing the same thing every day at the same time until it’s auto-pilot. Also analyzing my traffic patterns through my house – where do I usually go, first, second, etc. and where am I most likely to see what’s important (knowing that what I don’t see doesn’t exist.) And trying to find ways to build social reinforcement into what I need to get done. (I was hoping to create a group or groups around shared interests.) I have so much junk and extra stuff in my house, I don’t know how I will ever get rid of it, but my ideal would be a mostly empty space with a few real essentials.

We call our son, the one with ADHD, “Mr. Sonar,” because if something’s going on anywhere, he will be the first to detect it. He made me take down our wall clock because the ticking was driving him crazy.

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