Reply To: Help me – Help my son

[sdwa]

@blackdog

Hmm. For me, ADHD is very much about not knowing how to do things, on the level of logistics. I might know what to do, but not how to make it happen.

ADHD advice that doesn’t say HOW to do something tends not to be very helpful. I need the steps laid out for me and the resources identified in specific terms.  I need a sequential guide to how to implement a course of action. I might know what needs to get done, but have no clue where to start or how to organize the process.

Probably none of us wants to regard ourselves as “disabled” – what’s fun about that? But it is an impairment, and a source of frustration when I see other people easily doing things I struggle with. The big hurdle there is not falling into the self-blame trap.

What you are saying about not using ADHD as an excuse is important. As I was not diagnosed until I was 45, I never used it as an excuse – didn’t know why I had problems, just knew I couldn’t function like other people – concluded I was a bad person. I don’t  use it as an excuse now. It is more a case of understanding, and having self-compassion about the challenges, being able to separate my core sense of self from my ADHD impairments.

I am in favor of more understanding and less guilt.

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