Reply To: Help with Impulsivity

[Patte Rosebank]

@Marcelyne, like any habit, stopping and thinking before you buy something takes time to acquire.  Even after you’ve acquired it, if it starts to get boring, you’re likely to slip back into your old ways.

After a lifetime (and I mean going back to when I was a toddler) of spending every cent I got as soon as I got it (and sooner, when I got my first credit card), I managed to become a saver…most of the time, which is better than “never”.

For me, it took finding a job that really suited me, and seeing that I had the power to decide how much I earned.  If I wanted to earn more, I could pick up a lot of extra shifts.  That made me really aware of how hard I had to work to earn my money, and, having earned it, I wanted to hang onto it and save up for something really special instead of frittering it away on whatever caught my eye.

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That’s another big factor:  a definite goal that you can chart your progress to.  For me, it was wanting to visit England again after 18 years.  I wanted it so much that, compared to it, all those things that caught my eye just weren’t worth the price.

I also got in the habit of writing down every penny I spent, and on what, at that moment.  That bit of paperwork forced me to pause and think before buying something.

And it was one more question to add to the ones I ask myself before buying something:
1) Do I REALLY want this, or is there something more important to save for?
2) Will I REALLY use this enough to make it worth buying?
3) Do I have enough money in the bank RIGHT NOW that if I were to pay in full, in cash for this item, I could do it and still have enough left in the bank to feel secure?
4) Is it worth the paperwork to add this purchase to my spending log?
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Beware of the ADDer’s “All or Nothing” way of thinking, because it can really trip us up.

Just because you “screw it up” once does NOT mean you have to chalk the whole thing up as another failure and not bother to try any more.  All it means is, you had a little “hiccup”.  And hiccups are annoying, but are no big deal.

If you can get in the habit of seeing those screw-ups as “hiccups”, it’s a lot easier to ride them out and learn from them.

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The “hobbies” thing is part of having ADHD.

Remember, the ADHD brain is driven by what’s INTERESTING, not what’s important.  A new hobby is INTERESTING!  But, once you get into it, and it starts to become hard, and there’s that pressure to finish it, it’s no longer fun.  It’s work, and work is boring.

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A combination of behavioural therapy/coaching (to help you understand and work with your ADHD) and meds (to help you build & stick with the good habits, like pausing to think before you act) can help to reduce your impulsivity—most of the time.

It’ll never be 100% of the time, and there will be “hiccups” (sometimes even “belches” and “farts”), but even being able to control it 20% of the time is better than 0%, right?

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