Reply To: He's just an Aquarian!

[justinwilliam87]

I’m picking up what your putting down, I first came across researching ADHD about two years ago whilst looking for ( and now that i have a name and a diagnosis) information about RLS. It really came as a huge surprise that there were other people who suffered from the same thing that i did. Ever since i was a child this creeping/ electric ant feeling has haunted and gotten worse to the point that I was desperate after seeing a couple of doctors who had no idea of what i was talking about. One actually laughed at me which was more hurtful than i could ever put into words, so after nothing from doctors i started looking for answers myself. (One doctor decided i was depressed, how? Meh i have since learned that some anti-depressants and anti-histamines make RLS worse) This is where i first saw that there was a link between RLS and ADHD, to which my first reaction was “Pfft, whatever, i just need to run and do heaps and never slow down in order to sleep. I dont have an attention problem”.

That was over two years ago and this whole ADHD thing has kept creeping back into my thoughts which in turn made things that people said about me stand out a bit more. As in “Wow you must have been ADHD as a child” My reply “Nah i was never the naughty kid”. As if i were trying to fool myself, i was always the naughty kid, the list is huge of my nefarious exploits.

So after having some issues with the change of pace and even though the actual work is near identical, we have a different routine here now, my partner pushed me to seek help. I literally exploded with what i was feeling and the way that my head will just never shut off. I was living of roughly 3 Hrs sleep a day at the time, could not switch off at all. While we were with the GP I was as usual looking at any and everything in the room. After realising something was said as all the attention was on me I looked to my partner who said “It’s your decision, you decide”. My utter bewilderment must have shown because the doctor asked what was wrong. I then decided that i didn’t care if he thought i was Nuts so marched into a detailed story of how i was listening to him, making eye contact, he looked to my partner, my eyes followed, on the way over though! I saw a fax machine! Eyes come back to the doctor? Nope, that fax machine, why is it on the floor? Is it broken? Must be. . . Geee i just wanna rip that fella apart and have a good look inside, maybe i could fix it? If i couldn’t i could learn to. That’d be awesome knowing all about circuitry and how it all fits together, just like in Tron. . . . . . . .  This is where i realise that something was said and all eyes are on me.

So he referred me to a Psychologist, who basically told me that my sleep was F$*ked, his words. After seeing him four times now and having my RLS ABOLISHED!!!!!! Oh my god, Its so unreal to not have this sensation anymore! And sleep somewhat normalised, even though i need, and i know all about sleep hygiene but the only way i can go to sleep at a decent hour is to have a TV with David Attenborough playing in the bedroom.

Anyway, my Psychologist has told me that i need to see a Psychiatrist in order to get diagnosed for him to go any further with me. Being only a small town i wonder if he has other people see him like me. Overthink it why don’t you Justin. Kidding.

So i guess that after seeking answers online, I now have more questions though i now have a direction to point them in. It wasn’t until i started reading other people’s personal journey’s that it all started to become real for me. This whole denial process i had in my head just collapsed after reading and knowing first hand all of these things that affect people with ADHD. I feel a bit of a faker/poser/cheater as i actually don’t have a diagnosis. Ahh waiting is so much fun. But yeah, this site is basically the first place that i have thought “Maybe I can fit in here”. Without the judgement, people telling me i must be on drugs  because there is no way that any normal person could be the way you are.

So I believe my acceptance will come with a diagnosis, because even though I believe a diagnosis is inevitable, there is still that part of me that says “Come on man, we don’t have any conditions. We just happen to tick most of the boxes, so what, that doesn’t mean anything”.

I read a thread about finding it hard to keep a grudge, I have tried to explain this to people over the years who just cannot understand. It’s like a come across as someone who doesn’t care about anything. Not so, I can’t explain it.

Sorry ladylavender, I yarble. Really need to write down what i want to say BEFORE i start typing.

 

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