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What I get from your writing is that you really enjoy being you, and yet are frustrated by your behavior as well. You enjoy the idea of really mastering the cowboy work and being the kind of guy who will take on a fax machine as well. Being able to do both of these things (and many more) are what make you, you. We live in a world where if you are pretty great at something, it only makes sense that you would pursue it and turn it into your lifes work–and that’s where our interest dies–as adhd’ers to limit our brains to one kind of work or activity over and over makes our eyes glaze over.
Since you know that intense physical, exciting work helped you thrive, you now know that you need to keep your life and challenges exciting and engaging to be successful (and by success I mean enjoying your life and who you are). It seems that in addition to medication, heavy exercise, and meditation, systems and routines are vital to keeping things healthy and “normal” for adhd’ers. In my limited reading so far systems and routines also seem to be one of the biggest stumbling blocks. For myself just starting out, I know that as a brilliant “starter” I often go overboard and bite off too much too quick, can’t stick to the grandiose routine I’ve established, feel like a failure, and quit, and the result is “routines donmt work”. But I am wondering how many adhd’ers, when they are drawing up their lists and routines, plan for excitement and high stimulus activities? If we are DEPRIVING ourselves of the real excitment we need to feel healthy, of course our minds are going to founder on endless trivialities.
At this point I can also see that the more “stuff” I can get rid of, the more simple and open my living space, the more room I will have for REAL excitement and stimulation. There is a point where all the ephemera collected over the years from my many interests becomes a chorus of judgement and condemnation–could have, should have, would have—and are no longer invitations to creativity . Out they go. No regrets. The money is gone, the space, silence, and order are more valuable at this point and I know that with my brain, there will always be more.
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