Reply To: I know parenting isn't all about me, but……..

[Scattybird]

Hi AbbyNormal – I won’t write much because I just realised I am using my iPad and my messages get lost sometimes when I use it.

I can’t offer advice because I don’t have kids, but I do remember being the same age as your son and having the stress of exams on top of all the angst that being 16 brings. At the time I didn’t know I had ADHD. I was horrible to my Mother at times. I loved her dearly but sometimes it probably didn’t seem like that. She got the brunt of my frustrations……of course she did, she was always there and a constant in my life, Mothers give unconditional love so I could be horrible and it would be OK.   I could get away with venting my frustrations at home because I wouldn’t get away with it elsewhere. Who knows what was really going on in my head but her patience got me through those years.

I do remember her telling me she hated my brother from the age of 12 until he got to ……well, quite old! My cousin is having similar issue to you with her son, he’s only 12. I watch him pushing the boundaries and being quite nasty with her and then he’s nice again. I think he likes the boundaries though, they give him something to rebel against. But he’s certainly giving his parents a really hard time. When my brother’s children went through that stage I used to threaten to bury them alive in the wood behind their house – it never helped but it made me feel better! 🙂

I think what you are experiencing is normal, but how you survive it I don’t know, particularly as you both have AD/HD. Any chance of having a grown up chat with him?

Sorry I can’t offer advice, but I just wanted to say we are out here and hear you. I know someone at work is also having similar issues and he doesn’t know what to do.

Stay calm, get a punch bag or something so you can vent your frustrations on that and not on him. He’ll turn out OK. My brother’s kids eventually did and they were horrible at that age. Staying sane for the next 10 years is the tricky bit.  Try mindfulness so you can be aware of how you feel about him without feeling the emotion. Difficult when it’s something so important.

Good luck and remember he’s just a kid – although 16 he’s probably more like 14 in the maturity stakes. Kids with mature bodies and immature minds are mixed up. I hated being that age – I was an adult right……nope!

 

 

 

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