Reply To: My ADDamant Stand Against Marriage – Am I Wrong?

[Scattybird]

Hi – I know exactly what you mean. I like the idea of a partner with whom to live my life, but anyone I have known just finally irritates me because they demand so much attention and I just can’t balance my job with home life. I can’t even do that when I just have myself to look after. My house looks like a bomb has hit it.

I have always had a need to be financially independent, probably after seeing how my mother struggled when my father left. She spent the best years of her life doing without an awful lot for him and then he dumped her/us leaving her in a mess. That aside, I have always had a need to focus on my job and I have always found it more stimulating than a ‘normal’ life. I look at friends who are married and none of them seem immensly happy – I think the drive to bring up children keeps them together and motivated.

But actually I haven’t met anyone that I could live with forever and I wouldn’t want to feel bitter towards someone if I perceived them as having stopped me reaching my potential. I suppose some people might see that as selfish, but I see it as realistic. I would ruin someone’s life as well as my own and I have never been remotely maternal so the need for children has never been a motivation for me.

Having seen unhappy marriages I would never ‘make do’ with someone just because of peer pressure – they would have to be perfect and perfection doesn’t exist. If you are happy, then why risk someone potentially spoiling that?

All that said, we all need companionship and if you lead a single life you need good friends – at least someone who really ‘gets you’ and who you can confide in.

Now I am older and realistically have reached as far as I can get in my career, I don’t regret anything.

However, the place I work in is changing and is more competitive than ever and the current management team is making decisions that are making it difficult for everyone. Imagine how an impulsive ADDer is faring – even with meds it’s a struggle not to tell them where to go sometimes!! At the end of the day most employees are seen as ‘resources’ and not as people and most employers think of themselves and not of the ‘resources’. So if you have a job that is fulfilling in its own right, then that’s great. But if moving up the ladder is the only driver, then be careful of your quality of life.

So the danger of going it alone, is that you might get to a point of stagnation in your career years down the line and wish to have a partner to share all the little everyday things with. If you have a partner who will be an equal in the house then the chores can be shared and therefore time spent doing the mundane is halved. Also, having the moral support of a partner will be a motivation when things are difficult in other areas and just having a real true companion would be lovely. If the perfect person exists then I haven’t found them yet and I would rather go it alone – my happiness is my responsibility then and not the result of the whim of someone else. My ADD makes me a bit temperamental and I like the freedom to do what I want and when.

However you lead your life, enjoy it!  🙂

 

 

 

 

 

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