Reply To: parenting an \"adult\" child with ADD–so frustrating!!!

[teabaglady]

thanks for the responses Ginniebean and Dithl. I have stepped away a number of times as I want this girl to fly on her own–someday. My attitude is that I want to raise a functioning adult NOT to be a “helicopter parent” all of my life. UP til now it has actually worked reasonably well once past childhood and I only stepped in when she needed some help getting back on track. However, we seem to be using the butting heads in the household as an excuse to abdicate from any and all responsibility. Prior to this, the attitude was more along the lines of “I’ll show them!” Now it seems that we just want to disappear back into the days when all that was required of us was coloring. Now given her artistic talent, the coloring is quite advanced (think computer animation) and I understand her fascination with it but she refuses to even consider doing anything related to that for a career or job AND at the same time, refuses to do anything but draw and color unless I drag her out of the house. When this is the case, we are happy to go on field trips to various locations and activities as long as we don’t have to contribute. At the same time, she talks about how she wishes she could contribute.

I, too, see the late maturity thing in her and yes, this is very typical of ADD/ADHD people. We recently had a psychological assessment done and the result of this was that she can function fairly well but doesn’t believe this and her lack of self-confidence and self-esteem are the main things that are holding her back at this point. Yes, I could have told them that without going through 15 hours of testing. But when they suggested counselling etc for this, her response was that it would be no good. I dragged her (almost literally) to a session on coping with stress and oh she was not happy with me but after the session, she admitted that it was helpful. I think that she will make it someday but it’s the business of butting heads with my husband (and also with her father) that makes trying to get there so difficult.

Interesting, rbb, that you mention a parent who was mentally ill. This was my husband’s mother to a T and I hear her echoes constantly. She had an accident and I suspect that there was some brain damage along with the nerve damage that was diagnosed. The result was someone who was devious, sly, vindictive and downright cruel. 4 people bear the mental and emotional scars from the abuse they endured. Only one has sought help with this. Pity.

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