Reply To: Procrastination – what did I do wrong?

[blackdog]

Hi @klmillscats, good to see you again. 🙂

I just had to read this when I saw the title, since I am in a mini crisis right now largely brought on by my own massive procrastination issues.

I didn’t expect it to be a non-ADDer asking for advice. I don’t really know what the answer is but my first thought is you might not have actually done anything “wrong”. I tend to get angry and yell at people when they give me advice or remind of things that need to be done or try to help in some way when I didn’t ask for it, or even when I did.

But I am not really angry with them most of the time. I am frustrated, angry with myself, feeling overwhelmed, and usually just not seeing the big picture.

For example, I had a meltdown before Christmas over some projects I was trying to finish for a contest I wanted to enter. I kept getting interrupted and was running out of time and didn’t have enough space to work in and kept losing things because the house is so cluttered. And I needed to get the living room and kitchen cleaned up for Christmas too. And I started commplaining about how I never  have enough time to do anything I want to do and I might as well just spend my whole life cleaning.

And my mother responded by saying “Well, that’s what life is”. And I flipped out. I feel horrible about it now and I actually think I may have caused her to become depressed because up until then she was in good spirits and enjoying watching Christmas specials and singing along with them,  and then suddenly she was saying she hates Christmas ans couldn’t wait for it to be over.

Looking back on it now, I realize that I was totally wrong. I shouldn’t have even been trying to enter the stupid contests, they were not that important. And I wasted so much time on them that I didn’t get things cleaned up properly or finish decorating or baking or anything. And then to top it off I got the flu two days before Christmas and gave it to mom so we couldn’t even go to our family dinner.

Mom was, of course, absolutely right. Life mostly does consist of cleaning and doing stuff we really don’t want to do. But I have never got that through my thick skull and do stupid things like try to make arts and crafts to win a contest when the house is so cluttered I can’t even work on them properly. And I didn’t even really want or need the prizes. I was totally fixated on something that didn’t even matter and ignoring what needed to be done.

I think this time I may have actually learned my lesson. I think this tme it might actually stick. And I say this while sitting on the couch browsing through the forums an hour and half after my “short break” was supposed to be over and now I don’t have enough time left to finish the cleaning I was trying to get done. 🙁

Anyway, my point is, your husband might just be stressed and overwhelmed. Or it might be that he was really jsut venting and didn’t expect you to actually do something about it. (That happens to me all the time.) Or it might be just the fact that you tried to do what you thought he needed without consulting him first. That loss of control, feeling like someone is trying to take over and decide what you need for you, can be a huge trigger for me. (even though I am hopelessly lost and couldn’t make my own decisions to save my life)

I hope this helps at least a little. Just remember, it’s not you, it’s the ADD. And you are an awesome person for caring about your husband so much and trying so hard to help him. 🙂

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