Reply To: Ritalin and the adventures of PigMonkey

[pigmonkey]

Sorry for not posting in a while all, first life happened, then I forgot, then I remembered but wasnt near a computer, (not using my phone, no one wrote anything worth reading with their thumbs.) Then I remembered again, and this process continued since…. when was the last time I posted?  Regardless I am back, and I have noticed that there has been a novel written in my absence.  just awesome.

UPDATE

So ten mg wasnt enough.  I now have 20 mg prescription that I have had for a couple of weeks until I have the money to fill the prescription. That will probably happen tomorrow when I get paid. The ten mg I still have I am supposed to take the 20 in the morning and the 10 in the afternoon.  I will let you all know what happens as I continue to experiment with my brain chemestry.

Because lets call a spade a shovel shall we.  “Medication” does not make you better, it alters your brain chemistry.  This is not something you can actively monitor.  Your brain chemistry chooses HOW you monitor, so just like everything in life you lack outside perspective when trying to drive your life in a particular direction.  I may think I am headed in the right direction, but I need someone who is watching from the outside to keep an eye on me, so they can bring my attention to any changes in behavior.  As much as I talk about Medication being my adventure, I need people along to hold the rope.

Humans make social connections, it’s in our wiring, we are herd animals.  It is important to have a friend along for the ride with you.  Someone trustworthy, very honest, and not afraid of confronting you.  The true friends are the ones who stick by your but don’t have the patience  to watch their friend suffer.

@robo

You are hurting.  Relationships suck, its tonnes of hard work and communication problems do not make it easier.  I have read over your posts and a few things strike me.  Firstly, it takes two people to fail for a relationship to fail.  I know it feels like you, heck she might even say it was all you, and you may believe it.  However, you are all wrong, only I am right…. get used to it. 🙂  I have never had a long lasting successful relationship with a woman.  My longest involvement was six months long and terminated in me being called, a socially stunted mutant.  That hurt, but I did not say it, and I refuse to internalize it.  She felt that way, not me. She said nothing about it for weeks, not me.  And finally when her internal voice said that everything was my fault for not working we split.  As for female entanglements since, I have had them.  But like you I have a weird communication style, and its rare.  I suppose it is easier for me cause I have been so my hole life.  Loneliness is an old friend.  We drink together.  Besides, years of sporadic female contact has given me superpowers beyond that of mortal men.  I do not fear being alone, that gives me confident (which makes me attractive).  I am (i love this) a sex camel, I have physical intimacy with a partner once ever two years or so.  It is nice it recharges my Humps for the long two year trek across the Saraha of nookie.  Like any camel, I can drink more often, I just dont need to.  This rids me of desperation, which women smell on you like horse shit.  Finally I try not to judge myself.  Self realization, and constantly beating up on your self is not the same thing.  Recognize the acts you take, and things you do, but don’t assign feeling to them, just note it as an interesting thing you do, then decide if you want to keep it.  No Gilt.

I really feel you have to come to terms with the fact that you are driving your life.  It seems usually that you have no control to what happens to you, and for the most part you are not completely incorrect.  However, while you cannot control causality, you can control how you perceive, and what information you readily pick up on.  Life opportunities are not something that just happen to you, (or at least not me, I am not a lucky person, so I had to be sneaky, and make luck) They are perceived first as an opportunity, pursued as an opportunity, then exploited.  I have a sense that you are so hurt, and self affacing over your relationships, that your brain is no longer mining opportunities, it is assuming that you will screw them up.

Here is the first thing I think you should do.  Stop. Your mind is too busy looking backward finding out why you do what you do. Look forward, make plans and do them.  It can be a big project or a small one.  You are a good person and deserve a good life.

@Larynixa you are prolific as ever, and I find your insight valuable, keep it up.

@sweetwriter14

Welcome, thank you for posting and adding your voice.  Sometimes talking about it the first time is the hardest thing to do.

 

Cheers all

PigMonkey.

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