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Reply To: Self esteem

Reply To: Self esteem2013-10-17T12:24:09+00:00

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One of the issues I have with a lot of Self Esteem Speak is that it often comes across to me as a form of bullying. You SHOULD feel good about yourself. If you don’t, you’re a failure and a loser, and you’re just being obstinate. This message kind of defeats the purpose of seeking help, you know?

I’ve never heard of Colours/Dimensions. My Myers-Briggs was INFP, which they say fits about 1% of the population. Oddly enough, my husband is the same type, so we know there are at least two of us. My VIA stuff came out 1) love of learning, 2) appreciation of beauty & excellence, 3) love, 4) fairness, 5) creativity. So how does that translate into a job? I have no idea.

The problem with typical career counseling is that it is not designed for people with ADHD. What would really be cool would be to find an ADHD coach who specializes in career counseling. My guess is that there is no such person. There should be.

You didn’t miss anything by not doing the webinar live – you’ll probably be able to catch it in a few days. The feed was a little goofy at my end; with a recording there wouldn’t be that problem.

For me, good self-esteem doesn’t come from much of anywhere, inside or outside. I think I’m actually pretty depressed. I’ve been in a bad space for a while, seems like. I don’t know what happened. I used to believe in things. Then I fell into a hole and got all bitter, cynical and morose. For a while I was happy. Maybe I had more support then – ?

Or maybe it came on when I started trying to write this novel. I’ve worked between 15-40 hours per week every week for the past year. I’m still not done with the first draft, although I only have a few more chapters to go. But to fix it in subsequent drafts will be a huge job. It’s demoralizing because the amount of effort is not producing the results I want. On the other hand, I’m obsessed. I’m either writing, editing, reading about writing, or practicing skills. It’s a lot like painting, actually. A continuous struggle. Total hyper-focus and immersion. It was a Bucket List item – to write a novel in order to learn how to write a novel. And I am going to finish it even if it kills me. For some things, I am tenacious as hell. There is no practical value to doing this. Even if I wrote the most brilliant book in the universe (which I won’t) it will not pay off, and no one will care. But I’ll care.

My self-esteem comes from what I produce, actually. Which, according to David Giwerc, is not where it is supposed to come from. But I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. When I look back on it, I feel happy. Might not be the best way to look at it, because it is conditional – but that stuff matters to me. It’s stuff I know about but for the most part others don’t, or wouldn’t appreciate if they did – a “personal best” kind of thing, for its own sake.