Reply To: What Women Want: A Short Guide for Men

[richardab]

Which leads to another point.

Rule #9.  Talk to her about your friendships with other women.

Your partner cares about you and has a lot of strong feelings for you, so she will have worries about you being with other women.  Why?  You have to think about it from her point of view.  To her, you are a desirable person.  That is why she is with you, because she has desire for you.  She sees you as intelligent, charming, handsome, attractive, funny, fun to be with.  The result of this is that she is going to assume, understandably, that she isn’t going to be the only woman in the world to be attracted to you.  That is why she constantly asks you about your female friends.  It doesn’t necessarily have to do with what you have or haven’t done with them, although, obviously if you have done something she doesn’t approve of it will make it worse.  But you could be completely innocent and loyal, and she will still have some worries.   Again, because she assumes that she is not the only person in the world who can be attracted to you.

What can you do about this to prevent both of you from going insane?  The first thing you can do is be completely honest with her about your friendships with women.  Don’t leave anything out.  The next thing you can do is take her feelings into account if you interact with any of your female friends regularly.  Your not going to want to take any of your female friends to dinner, or to a dance.  Limit your interactions to getting coffee.  Try to plan so that your interactions with friends happen in groups.  This will help your partner relax.  And finally, use your best judgement and follow your values.  Don’t cheat.  If you follow the rules and do not trespass on her feelings than she will be much more willing to allow you freedom to make your own decisions.

 

 

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